I'll take it as read that not everyone understands the politely-unstated convention that a wedding invitation invites you one or more parts of the wedding: Ceremony, Breakfast, Reception. But here it is:
One or more parts, and not necessarily all.
It is equally a part of this unstated convention that all who attend any part can subsequently say: "I was at X and Y's wedding" and confer whatever social status upon themselves they think is due.
The recipient of any invitation will accept or refuse it politely, expressing best wishes to the happy couple and gratitude that they, in preference to the teeming millions of humanity and the thousands of friends and acquaintances of the bride and groom, have been invited at all.
That is - or ought to be - sufficient explanation: be grateful for all and any invitations and have the grace to submerge all thoughts that you might wish for more; better to put down all vanity and bask in the glow of knowing that it is the very best of manners to respond with grace and gratitude to all that you are offered.
Obviously the practice of good manners is not enough for some: a few seek cause for offence in all things and there is nothing more to be said of them, except to wonder whether they should've been invited at all; some seek a sense of preference over others and would do well to reflect that a track record of modest grace and gratitude might well have gained them the preferment that they seek; others are unsatisfied with anything you offer, and would find themselves at the very front row of the Church or Registry wondering if there is some opportunity to demand that they officiate, or possibly replace the Bride or Groom or both; and all - invited or not, and to whichever part or parts - would do well to remember that the whole occasion runs against constraints of space and money.
The socially-subtle will phrase a refusal due to inability to attend by saying 'wedding', whereas a fit of pique at not being invited to all parts of it is expressed in a polite refusal that names the specific part to which they were invited. A more heavy-handed refusal will go on to wish you well in named parts of the ceremony that were excluded from the invitation... And that's it. All of it - or at least, all that is polite - and no expression of dissatisfaction whatsoever is permissible if you accept the invitation you were given.
It is ill-mannered to respond to news of any social occasion - no matter how gracious or oblique your wording may be - with a rude and arrogant and intrusive insistence that one should be present at an event or part thereof to which one was not specifically invited. For rude and arrogant it is, and inexcusably so: and neither you nor Owen should feel any guilt or embarrassment or need of apology if you are confronted with such a basic lack of manners.
Miss Manners Writes...
I'll take it as read that not everyone understands the politely-unstated convention that a wedding invitation invites you one or more parts of the wedding: Ceremony, Breakfast, Reception. But here it is:
It is equally a part of this unstated convention that all who attend any part can subsequently say: "I was at X and Y's wedding" and confer whatever social status upon themselves they think is due.
The recipient of any invitation will accept or refuse it politely, expressing best wishes to the happy couple and gratitude that they, in preference to the teeming millions of humanity and the thousands of friends and acquaintances of the bride and groom, have been invited at all.
That is - or ought to be - sufficient explanation: be grateful for all and any invitations and have the grace to submerge all thoughts that you might wish for more; better to put down all vanity and bask in the glow of knowing that it is the very best of manners to respond with grace and gratitude to all that you are offered.
Obviously the practice of good manners is not enough for some: a few seek cause for offence in all things and there is nothing more to be said of them, except to wonder whether they should've been invited at all; some seek a sense of preference over others and would do well to reflect that a track record of modest grace and gratitude might well have gained them the preferment that they seek; others are unsatisfied with anything you offer, and would find themselves at the very front row of the Church or Registry wondering if there is some opportunity to demand that they officiate, or possibly replace the Bride or Groom or both; and all - invited or not, and to whichever part or parts - would do well to remember that the whole occasion runs against constraints of space and money.
The socially-subtle will phrase a refusal due to inability to attend by saying 'wedding', whereas a fit of pique at not being invited to all parts of it is expressed in a polite refusal that names the specific part to which they were invited. A more heavy-handed refusal will go on to wish you well in named parts of the ceremony that were excluded from the invitation... And that's it. All of it - or at least, all that is polite - and no expression of dissatisfaction whatsoever is permissible if you accept the invitation you were given.
It is ill-mannered to respond to news of any social occasion - no matter how gracious or oblique your wording may be - with a rude and arrogant and intrusive insistence that one should be present at an event or part thereof to which one was not specifically invited. For rude and arrogant it is, and inexcusably so: and neither you nor Owen should feel any guilt or embarrassment or need of apology if you are confronted with such a basic lack of manners.