Still ill

[j4]

I came off the Pill on Thursday. I'm now shaky, nauseous, and uncontrollably weepy (and my period won't stop). Every time I think it can't possibly get any worse while I'm putting so much effort into trying to make it better, it does. And after 10+ years of fighting depression I'm really tired of being shouted at for not being optimistic enough about getting better or finding a cure.

And yes, I cried, I'm sorry, I cried because I'm in pain and I'm frightened and I am worn down to scratchy backing-material and bent tacks from gritting my teeth and trying not to feel the wrong thing.

I feel like my life is just one big flat I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry with nowhere left to hide.

Comments

[anat0010.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I know its no consolation, but at the Warneford I met an old chap who had been fighting depression for 50 years. It can be done, hang on in there.
If you're struggling, talk to your GP about anti-depressants, there are many different ones out there. If your brain is anything other than an 'off the shelf' model, years of juggling dosage are needed before finding a combination that works for you.
If you're on anti-depressants, get a review. You probably need an adjustment.
If you're not on anti-depressants, get some. They wont make you 'well' but they will take away the worst of the bad bits.

(currently surviving 21 years of depression, if only just)

[anat0010.livejournal.com]

and while I'm dispensing good advice ...

Dont keep your feelings inside. Dont be afraid to let it all out and tell people how utterly shit you feel.
It may make you feel better, at the very least it may keep some people off your back for a while.

[j4.livejournal.com]

It doesn't make me feel better, and it just makes the people who love me run away. Which really doesn't help. :-( But I don't know how to keep it all in.