Scene

[j4]

Early days of summer, sharp and bright
and sudden. I am startled by his skin:
sandalled foot and slender ankle. In
the flesh, too real. Sun-stroked in the light,

caressed... my mind is softening the blow,
smoothing the lines, stroking, making folds
from edges, turning inward. Memory holds
two versions of the picture; this I know:

both are right.

(for SR)

Comments

[keirf.livejournal.com]

I like the "and sudden" actually being sudden because of the line break. And an actual rhyming scheme in a poem on Livejournal, for once. I wonder what is the blow that is being softened? I have some ideas, but they're just mine. The fourth line has a few problems with scansion given the flow of the other lines, I think. Very well written poem though.

[j4.livejournal.com]

Gosh -- thank you! I'm not used to people commenting on poetry. I think usually people find it a bit embarrassing, like crying in public, kind of thing. :-}

I will reply but I don't want to pre-empt other people's responses, IYSWIM, so I will wait a bit (and try to tidy up the bad scansion!).

[keirf.livejournal.com]

Well I post plenty (http://keirf.livejournal.com/tag/poetry), so I have no problem with it. And I know I like it when someone takes the time to write a comment, preferably making some constructive criticisms at the same time.

Nor do I have a problem with people crying in public, though.

[bluedevi.livejournal.com]

That's quite beautiful.

[nja.livejournal.com]

That's really good. A lame compliment, but I lack your inspiration.