dressed for the occasion day after day
Apr. 25th, 2003 01:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
j4It was all going so well.
Had a nice dinner with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ewx on Wednesday night, and very enjoyable evening post-dinner. :-) Also managed to make a very cheesy macaroni cheese for sion_a before going out, because it didn't seem fair that he was always living on leftovers while I was running around and eating out and doing stuff.
Thursday lunchtime was spent shopping, which in retrospect was a Very Bad Idea as I now have No Money At All. However I did buy some nice new underwear (one black lacy set and one purple lacy set), and finally got my own copy of Richard Thompson's "Rumour and Sigh". Should have bought it on Amazon really, probably would've been cheaper, but I wanted to get it sooner dammit.
Thursday night pub was stressy in parts; partly because I really couldn't face trying to have Deep & Meaningful conversations in the middle of the pub. Seem to have ended up upsettingdaneel_olivaw and sion_a as usual ... sometimes I really think I should just keep away from everybody. :-/
On the plus side, however, I was reassured by hearing fromejde this morning that she's not cross with me. Had been feeling awkwardness there but no idea why... seems we've both just been worrying about nothing.
Apprehensive about this weekend. The photo-shoot should be fun but does sound like quite hard work, & I am a bit nervous; the clubbing should be good from a dancing/music point of view, but I'm very nervous about the potential interpersonal stress. At this rate I may well end up just reverting to my time-honoured coping strategy of just dancing all night, without stopping, so that nobody gets any individual time with me. That way it's fair at least.
Camden at least should be okay; I mean, it's not like trying to herd a large group of goths around somewhere is ever stressful, is it? Particularly not when I get to watch them all spending hundreds of pounds on gorgeous clothes that I will never be able to afford. ... I really will have to avoid buying stuff though.
Feeling very ugly and stupid right now. Not the best state of mind in which to pose for photos. :-( Also, I've packed far too many possible outfits for Saturday and I just know that no matter what I wear and no matter how hard I try to look good I'll end up looking like an ugly gawky teenager ("sixteen, clumsy and shy... that's the story of my life"), while the people I'm with will look effortlessly gorgeous and sexy as usual.lnr looks like a goddess no matter what she wears, and I can't help feeling like I'm competing, even though I know I shouldn't be, don't need to, don't want to.
Feeling envious of other people's pretty clothes, too, which is stupid because even if I could afford them, no amount of expensive clothes are going to make me look attractive. I should be spending my money on something useful. Like plastic surgery, maybe.
The things I thought were budding wings? Looks like they're just chips on my shoulders.
Had a nice dinner with
ewx on Wednesday night, and very enjoyable evening post-dinner. :-) Also managed to make a very cheesy macaroni cheese for sion_a before going out, because it didn't seem fair that he was always living on leftovers while I was running around and eating out and doing stuff.Thursday lunchtime was spent shopping, which in retrospect was a Very Bad Idea as I now have No Money At All. However I did buy some nice new underwear (one black lacy set and one purple lacy set), and finally got my own copy of Richard Thompson's "Rumour and Sigh". Should have bought it on Amazon really, probably would've been cheaper, but I wanted to get it sooner dammit.
Thursday night pub was stressy in parts; partly because I really couldn't face trying to have Deep & Meaningful conversations in the middle of the pub. Seem to have ended up upsetting
daneel_olivaw and sion_a as usual ... sometimes I really think I should just keep away from everybody. :-/ On the plus side, however, I was reassured by hearing from
ejde this morning that she's not cross with me. Had been feeling awkwardness there but no idea why... seems we've both just been worrying about nothing.Apprehensive about this weekend. The photo-shoot should be fun but does sound like quite hard work, & I am a bit nervous; the clubbing should be good from a dancing/music point of view, but I'm very nervous about the potential interpersonal stress. At this rate I may well end up just reverting to my time-honoured coping strategy of just dancing all night, without stopping, so that nobody gets any individual time with me. That way it's fair at least.
Camden at least should be okay; I mean, it's not like trying to herd a large group of goths around somewhere is ever stressful, is it? Particularly not when I get to watch them all spending hundreds of pounds on gorgeous clothes that I will never be able to afford. ... I really will have to avoid buying stuff though.
Feeling very ugly and stupid right now. Not the best state of mind in which to pose for photos. :-( Also, I've packed far too many possible outfits for Saturday and I just know that no matter what I wear and no matter how hard I try to look good I'll end up looking like an ugly gawky teenager ("sixteen, clumsy and shy... that's the story of my life"), while the people I'm with will look effortlessly gorgeous and sexy as usual.
lnr looks like a goddess no matter what she wears, and I can't help feeling like I'm competing, even though I know I shouldn't be, don't need to, don't want to. Feeling envious of other people's pretty clothes, too, which is stupid because even if I could afford them, no amount of expensive clothes are going to make me look attractive. I should be spending my money on something useful. Like plastic surgery, maybe.
The things I thought were budding wings? Looks like they're just chips on my shoulders.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 05:58 am (UTC)You listen to Richard Thompson too? I should get you together with Robert, I think you'd get on well :)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 06:21 am (UTC)The problem with goth-herding in Camden is somewhat akin to herding children at an amusement fair - you should hopefully be able to count heads and get the right number, but it doesn't mean you've got the *right ones*! :)
The other problem is making sure that old hands & newbies don't get separated - the former have already seen the Elyzium stall and Raven tops a hundred times, tried on half of the range and own another good quarter, and stride through with coats swirling, muttering about teeny-goths who ought to just stay home smoking pot in black-painted rooms and stay out of everyone else's way - the latter usually see something that catches their eye on the first stall, and run the risk of getting left behind...
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 06:27 am (UTC)You might be lucky and find they're silicon chips.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 06:36 am (UTC)And the stupid thing is I always feel exactly the same the other way round... *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 06:49 am (UTC)Yes, I ended up upset, but not at you --- at me, and my incapability of managing my life into a form that makes me happy in anything more than brief flirtations, and my ability to screw up anything that makes me feel good. I do it to myself, I do [passim].
I hope you have fun at the photo-shoot. I wish you could see that you are beautiful, and sexy (and funny, and intelligent...). *hugs*
As for interpersonal stresses, well, I'm not exactly in the mood for them either. That said, I'm not sure that there will be [m]any. I'm just looking for a good night out with some good company. The latter is already a given, and the former's just about [all of] us making it so.
I love you. Good luck, take care, and *hugs* will await you in London. *kiss*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 08:29 am (UTC)[Anyway, there is no way I could choose between the two of them]
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 08:41 am (UTC)(Mind you, you'd be the one who objected if I did have silicon chips on my shoulders...!)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 08:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 08:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 10:39 am (UTC)Had been feeling awkwardness there but no idea why... seems we've both just been worrying about nothing
I'm glad to have got around to talking to you...this would be one of those good examples of when talking is a good thing methinks.
Hope the w-end is good!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 01:22 pm (UTC)