I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now

[j4]

What were you doing...

20 years ago?
Probably getting quite excited about my imminent 5th birthday. Though I seem to remember that was the one where I had chicken pox and whooping cough at the same time, so probably whooping and scratching. Living at "Mia Casa", Sandy Lane, Crawley Down, West Sussex RH10 4HX. Attending Felbridge School, in Mrs Harradine's class. I have only good memories from that school; I suspect some of that is time fading out the minor bad stuff, but it really was a good school.

In my spare time I was reading a lot (far too much Enid Blyton probably at that stage, though it doesn't seem to have warped my mind overmuch), playing computer games on our Apple ][, and learning to do cartwheels.

10 years ago?
Living at 9 Hall Drive, Burton on the Wolds, Loughborough, Leicestershire LE12 5AD. Attending Loughborough High School. Had worked out by this point that I was bisexual; was hopelessly in love with my best friend Debbie Selden. I eventually made the foolish decision to tell her this, and ended up being something of a social leper at school. Very depressed as a result. Wondering if I'd live to sit my GCSEs -- I took an overdose (not enough to have any effect) around the time of my 15th birthday.

Spent most of my spare time wearing black, wondering where all the lesbians were and how one was ever supposed to work out who was "available", reading angsty books, writing angsty poetry. This was the year I discovered Sylvia Plath, and Debbie and I wore black armbands to school on the anniversary of her death; and in the biology lesson that day I wrote a poem "In Memoriam: Sylvia Plath", which was (in retrospect) utterly dismal but won the school mag poetry prize -- probably because it used complicated stuff like metaphors. Went on to write reams of depressing unrequited-love poetry about Debbie, and lots of teeny-goth poetry about rain and blood and tears and knives and shattering glass and the gathering gloooooom. Some of it even won further prizes, and for a while I harboured a secret ambition to be the first woman Poet Laureate. Worked out that this ambition stood more chance of being realised if I wasn't dead.

5 years ago?
In my second year at Pembroke College, Oxford. Living at 19 Lewell Avenue, Marston, Oxford OX3 0RL, with Simon Cozens, Ben Hutchings, and at that point probably Rachel (whose surname I forget), as Matt Groves had by that point moved out in a huff. Engaged to Simon Cozens, looking forward (well, looking ahead) to a blissful life of monogamous Christian housewifery. Only throwing things at each other on fairly rare occasions, at this stage.

Unusually for an English student, I actually did quite a lot of work in my second year. Wrote a million essays. Enjoyed having tutorials with postgrad students who were cool to talk to and not as scary as "real" tutors -- we particularly liked Sean who wore very narrow glasses and had a pointy beard, and had ripped up the back cover of his copy of Richardson's Clarissa for roaches.

When I wasn't studying I was probably making cakes; the rest of the time I was posting volumes of nonsense to ox.test, ox.talk, and oxbridge.tat. Also going to lots of church stuff -- study groups, worship meetings, etc. Frustrated by the fact that God didn't seem to be showing any inclination to take the sin (or at least the temptation) of being bisexual away from me, despite my incessant prayers.

3 years ago?
In my second attempt at my final year at Oxford, just about to actually start finals. (The gap between 5 years ago and 3 years ago manages to neatly miss out all the really messy breaking up and breaking down.) Living in college, in a tiny room which I kept filling with books. Going out with far too many people, all of whom were lovely, but not all of whom actually knew about each other. (Bad j4.) Ended up creating enormous amounts of angst for myself and others. :-/ One of those people, however, was sion_a, so some of it was for the best.

Still posting screeds of nonsense to ox.* -- managed to be the second-highest volume poster in my finals term, a fact of which I'm still unduly proud. Hadn't been anywhere near a church for about a year; still considered myself a Christian at this point but had decided that I didn't want anything to do with the Church, or organised religion. Wondering what on earth I was going to do after I'd finished my degree; had come to the conclusion that the best thing to do was look for jobs in both Oxford and Cambridge, and go wherever I could get a job first.

1 year ago?
Had very recently moved in to the current house with sion_a. At this point we still had wardrobes in ridiculous places, and windows that leaked; but it was still home. Working at ProQuest, starting to become very disillusioned with the job but not managing to find anything better. Starting to see more of daneel_olivaw, though not sure either of us knew where things were going at that stage.

Was learning karate, and had just got yellow belt grading, which is still where I'm at, having been very lazy over the past year. Taking driving lessons but still not quite managing to pass my test. Reading lots of books -- trying to read at least a novel a week.

Can't remember what else I was doing. This one's the hardest to pin down, to be honest.

yesterday?
At work, sitting exactly where I am now; recovering from Tuesday night by drinking zillions of cups of peppermint tea, and then coffee. Trying to sort out the aftermath of Tuesday night on email and irc. Wondering what the hell I'd be doing in two weeks' time, as I had (and have) still had no word from the people who were going to offer me a job. But still working towards leaving, so work was mostly continuing with the handover of my current duties here.

Spent a wonderful evening with hoiho, whose cooking skills really are as good as lnr and k425 say. We sorted out the residual angst from Tuesday, and he reminded me how my wings work.

today?
Tired but happy. Listening to Placebo, having just bought "Without You I'm Nothing" for a fiver in Fopp ... but occasionally finding that bits of Bob Dylan lyrics keep wandering through my head. Wonder how they got there.

Bought a couple of other CDs at lunchtime, too -- Monty Python, "Matching Tie and Handkerchief"; and Radiohead, "I Might Be Wrong". Also bought a silly skirt. Karate class this evening (going for double grading in June!); and then I've got to figure out some kind of decoration for my birthday cake.

tomorrow?
I have the day off work, and will be spending it decorating my cake and tidying the house (or possibly tidying my cake and decorating the house, depending on how confused I get) in preparation for NUMBERLESS HORDES descending on me for birthday-party-type shenanigans, starting at the Carlton Arms tomorrow evening.