One of these days I'm going to pull myself together

[j4]

Okay, well, it was the right decision from a "me" point of view not to go to angua and ejde's party, though I still feel guilty about not going. :-( But I've been feeling queasy and twitchy and weepy and badly headachey for most of the evening, and I really don't think I'd have felt any better if I'd tried to be sociable. I think I'd have just ended up yelling at people and storming out and then feeling even worse (not to mention spoiling the party for everybody else).

To be honest I feel like I'm on the verge of just screaming at everybody and generally having a full-scale temper tantrum until somebody comes and picks me up and says apologetically "She's not normally like this, she's just over-tired" and carts me off to bed.

* * *

Pub last night was ... mixed.

On the one hand it was good to see people, especially to have long rambly conversations and hugs and stuff with timeplease. Also, I had a chat with Terri and Jethro about bar work at the Carlton & it sounds like I might be able to get some work there -- which would be good from the point of view of Having More Money, though possibly bad from the point of view of Having No Free Time. (Mind you, if I don't have free time, I can't spend the money, which is probably A Good Thing.)

On the other hand, I was feeling quite twitchy for most of the evening, and didn't really feel like I was part of the conversation very much. And I really could have done without trying to talk to meirion, who was (as usual) mortally offended when I dared to suggest that perhaps suicide wasn't her best option ... and then even more offended when I dared to agree with her that ultimately it was her own choice. Some days you just can't win... but then, the only winning move, etc. etc.

* * *

Tired now. Bedtime. Wish I could just stay in bed tomorrow until I feel ready to get up, but sion_a's parents are here so I can't really. :-/

Comments

[juliet]

Can I recommend a nice calming cup of tea, some toast, & taking yourself off to bed? Possibly with some form of trashy novel, though I'm aware that trashy novels don't work for everyone :-)

(I'd recommend knitting, which I always find remarkably soothing, but I don't think you knit.)

[rbarclay.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you need a good, lasting "someone to FUCKING VENT AT".

Those people are great. I just want to get the factory to crank up the output.

[meirion.livejournal.com]

perhaps we should just agree never to speak to each other? since you always misrepresent what i say in such a fashion that i feel like disagreeing with you would be worse than letting things pass, but it fails entirely to accord with my belief of matters.

and if you think that was my being mortally offended ...

-m-