One of these days I'm going to pull myself together

[j4]

Okay, well, it was the right decision from a "me" point of view not to go to angua and ejde's party, though I still feel guilty about not going. :-( But I've been feeling queasy and twitchy and weepy and badly headachey for most of the evening, and I really don't think I'd have felt any better if I'd tried to be sociable. I think I'd have just ended up yelling at people and storming out and then feeling even worse (not to mention spoiling the party for everybody else).

To be honest I feel like I'm on the verge of just screaming at everybody and generally having a full-scale temper tantrum until somebody comes and picks me up and says apologetically "She's not normally like this, she's just over-tired" and carts me off to bed.

* * *

Pub last night was ... mixed.

On the one hand it was good to see people, especially to have long rambly conversations and hugs and stuff with timeplease. Also, I had a chat with Terri and Jethro about bar work at the Carlton & it sounds like I might be able to get some work there -- which would be good from the point of view of Having More Money, though possibly bad from the point of view of Having No Free Time. (Mind you, if I don't have free time, I can't spend the money, which is probably A Good Thing.)

On the other hand, I was feeling quite twitchy for most of the evening, and didn't really feel like I was part of the conversation very much. And I really could have done without trying to talk to meirion, who was (as usual) mortally offended when I dared to suggest that perhaps suicide wasn't her best option ... and then even more offended when I dared to agree with her that ultimately it was her own choice. Some days you just can't win... but then, the only winning move, etc. etc.

* * *

Tired now. Bedtime. Wish I could just stay in bed tomorrow until I feel ready to get up, but sion_a's parents are here so I can't really. :-/

Comments

[rbarclay.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you need a good, lasting "someone to FUCKING VENT AT".

Those people are great. I just want to get the factory to crank up the output.

[acronym.livejournal.com]

I like being vented at, bizarrely. It's strangely therapeutic to feel I'm not the only person who thinks the world is fucked-up and arbitrary, and I like helping people feel better...