Who says you can't talk about 'it'? You, on the premise that "least said, soonest mended"? (Sometimes true, sometimes not: there is a time and a place for most conversations, but what do *you* need?) If someone else says you can't talk, why? What is your silence worth to them, and at what cost to you?
What is the worst thing that could happen, either in your imaginings or in reality?
BoPeepSheep has a good take on this: you don't know what may yet happen. The friendships you may think are faded may be just lying fallow for a time. Now is not forever, it's just now.
You do do things: you don't give yourself credit for them, which is different. You worked the bar, I think, last Thursday: you solved a couple of problems for at least two people by showing up and doing your job, and doing it for pay doesn't demean having done it. You went to St. Botolph's and looked and found out something new you didn't know before. You do your work, whether you admire yourself for it or not, and that is good stewardship. Right now, you have to live on little satisfactions, day to day, but it won't be like this all the time, forever.
You're allowed to let other people help you without calling yourself a "parasite" (a word you used about yourself with which I categorically disagree - you are being far too hard on yourself): you're allowed, I am sure, even to turn up at your parents' and say "Mom, I'm absolutely whacked and I want to sleep for a week and drink hot chocolate when I'm awake" and the worst thing she would probably say is "OK, but you have to make it yourself sometimes." And if not parents, then you do have friends in whom your faith will be justified - all you have to do is act on that faith in them. I once turned up at a friend's house at 9 p.m. without so much as a toothbrush or a clean pair of knickers, in total collapse, and stayed for two days, with knicks and toothbrush provided 'on the house'. If I hadn't faced up to how low I was and asked for help I still might not know what a good friend that person was (and still is). Your friends will come through if you give them a chance.
And if some of your friends are at odds with each other, that is their responsibility, not yours. Several seem not to be at odds with you, and that's the main thing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
why?
Date: 2003-12-01 03:39 am (UTC)Who says you can't talk about 'it'? You, on the premise that "least said, soonest mended"? (Sometimes true, sometimes not: there is a time and a place for most conversations, but what do *you* need?) If someone else says you can't talk, why? What is your silence worth to them, and at what cost to you?
What is the worst thing that could happen, either in your imaginings or in reality?
BoPeepSheep has a good take on this: you don't know what may yet happen. The friendships you may think are faded may be just lying fallow for a time. Now is not forever, it's just now.
You do do things: you don't give yourself credit for them, which is different. You worked the bar, I think, last Thursday: you solved a couple of problems for at least two people by showing up and doing your job, and doing it for pay doesn't demean having done it. You went to St. Botolph's and looked and found out something new you didn't know before.
You do your work, whether you admire yourself for it or not, and that is good stewardship. Right now, you have to live on little satisfactions, day to day, but it won't be like this all the time, forever.
You're allowed to let other people help you without calling yourself a "parasite" (a word you used about yourself with which I categorically disagree - you are being far too hard on yourself): you're allowed, I am sure, even to turn up at your parents' and say "Mom, I'm absolutely whacked and I want to sleep for a week and drink hot chocolate when I'm awake" and the worst thing she would probably say is "OK, but you have to make it yourself sometimes." And if not parents, then you do have friends in whom your faith will be justified - all you have to do is act on that faith in them. I once turned up at a friend's house at 9 p.m. without so much as a toothbrush or a clean pair of knickers, in total collapse, and stayed for two days, with knicks and toothbrush provided 'on the house'. If I hadn't faced up to how low I was and asked for help I still might not know what a good friend that person was (and still is). Your friends will come through if you give them a chance.
And if some of your friends are at odds with each other, that is their responsibility, not yours. Several seem not to be at odds with you, and that's the main thing.
Have a hot drink on this cold and rainy day. xx