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j4I don't need to know, but I'm interested to know:
What (if anything) do people regard as essential for a successful relationship?
(I'm thinking more in the general sense than the personal -- I'm not really interested to know whether individual people couldn't possibly have a relationship with somebody who worked for Microsoft, or whether they need somebody who will accept and indulge their Swarfega fetish.)
Or do you think relationships are so individual that they're impossible to generalise about?
(20 marks.)
Further questions:
Do you think there's a (moral?) judgement implicit in a suggestion that anything is "essential" for a successful relationship? By stating the question in those terms, are we imposing our own definition of "success" on other people? (I'm assuming a broad context of Western culture; at the moment I'm not really interested in hearing, say, how the Mgosh tribe regard a "successful" relationship as one where the female bears twenty children and then eats her mate.) Or do questions like this merely make us disappear rapidly up our own solipsistic arses?
(40 marks.)
Note: You may define "relationship" as broadly as you wish, but please make your working definition explicit. Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.
What (if anything) do people regard as essential for a successful relationship?
(I'm thinking more in the general sense than the personal -- I'm not really interested to know whether individual people couldn't possibly have a relationship with somebody who worked for Microsoft, or whether they need somebody who will accept and indulge their Swarfega fetish.)
Or do you think relationships are so individual that they're impossible to generalise about?
(20 marks.)
Further questions:
Do you think there's a (moral?) judgement implicit in a suggestion that anything is "essential" for a successful relationship? By stating the question in those terms, are we imposing our own definition of "success" on other people? (I'm assuming a broad context of Western culture; at the moment I'm not really interested in hearing, say, how the Mgosh tribe regard a "successful" relationship as one where the female bears twenty children and then eats her mate.) Or do questions like this merely make us disappear rapidly up our own solipsistic arses?
(40 marks.)
Note: You may define "relationship" as broadly as you wish, but please make your working definition explicit. Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-16 06:30 am (UTC)Doesn't matter whether that means it's a monogamous heterosexual relationship, a totally open pan-sexual relationship, one where you live in each other's pockets and spend all your free time together, one where you live on opposite sides of the world and tentatively cyber once a decade... - it's about agreeing what each of you expect, and sticking to that (and if you're finding those 'rules' don't work, sitting down and re-working them rather than 'cheating')
That's probably a sub-set of communication, but all too often people don't do it.
I'd also say giving those around you at least a loose idea of those rules could be useful - for example, if you have given your partner complete freedom to go and play with other people, but the 'rule' is that you do not want to hear the gory details, the last thing you want is a concerned friend coming up and warning you with great concern/sympathy that your beloved is 'cheating' on you because they saw them getting friendly at a club with someone.
That's possibly something that's more dependent on the sense of privacy held by those in the relationship, and possibly in itself a part of the rules (ie, whether you consider it appropriate to discuss your relationship with those not in it)
Re:
Date: 2004-02-16 06:43 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-16 08:46 am (UTC)Do you think this has to be an explicitly agreed ruleset? (From what you say it sounds like you do, but I just wanted to make sure.)