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j4I don't need to know, but I'm interested to know:
What (if anything) do people regard as essential for a successful relationship?
(I'm thinking more in the general sense than the personal -- I'm not really interested to know whether individual people couldn't possibly have a relationship with somebody who worked for Microsoft, or whether they need somebody who will accept and indulge their Swarfega fetish.)
Or do you think relationships are so individual that they're impossible to generalise about?
(20 marks.)
Further questions:
Do you think there's a (moral?) judgement implicit in a suggestion that anything is "essential" for a successful relationship? By stating the question in those terms, are we imposing our own definition of "success" on other people? (I'm assuming a broad context of Western culture; at the moment I'm not really interested in hearing, say, how the Mgosh tribe regard a "successful" relationship as one where the female bears twenty children and then eats her mate.) Or do questions like this merely make us disappear rapidly up our own solipsistic arses?
(40 marks.)
Note: You may define "relationship" as broadly as you wish, but please make your working definition explicit. Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.
What (if anything) do people regard as essential for a successful relationship?
(I'm thinking more in the general sense than the personal -- I'm not really interested to know whether individual people couldn't possibly have a relationship with somebody who worked for Microsoft, or whether they need somebody who will accept and indulge their Swarfega fetish.)
Or do you think relationships are so individual that they're impossible to generalise about?
(20 marks.)
Further questions:
Do you think there's a (moral?) judgement implicit in a suggestion that anything is "essential" for a successful relationship? By stating the question in those terms, are we imposing our own definition of "success" on other people? (I'm assuming a broad context of Western culture; at the moment I'm not really interested in hearing, say, how the Mgosh tribe regard a "successful" relationship as one where the female bears twenty children and then eats her mate.) Or do questions like this merely make us disappear rapidly up our own solipsistic arses?
(40 marks.)
Note: You may define "relationship" as broadly as you wish, but please make your working definition explicit. Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.
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Re:
Date: 2004-02-19 07:11 am (UTC)Erm, thank you for deciding for me that I'm not happy. I am happy.
Glad to hear it! It just seems odd to me, though, if you are happy, that you find it such a monumentally depressing thought that other people want to be happy...
What I think is depressing is the idea that I have to go out and try to be happy or try to accomplish something really spectacular to make my life worth living. Life should be inherently worth living.
Life is, in my opinion, inherently worth living. But there's no reason why it should have to be miserable. What's wrong with wanting to enjoy this life which is inherently worthwhile?
Life's validity shouldn't be tied to my accomplishments or how I feel.
I'm certainly not suggesting that an unhappy life is a less-worthwhile life, much less that an "unsuccessful" life (however you define that) is less worthwhile. But is there any reason why people shouldn't want their lives to be worthwhile and happy?
I don't believe that "happiness" is a definite, fixed goal you can work towards. However I do believe that to some extent you can take control of your life and move away from the things that make you unhappy, and towards the things that make you happier. And I don't think that's a bad thing to try to do.
I've struggled with depression for some of my life and one thing to me that made me think it was worth trying to beat it and get on with things was the fact I don't have to be happy for it all be worthwhile and that has made it a lot easier for me to be happy (vaguely paradoxically).
I see what you mean, sort of, but I also believe that everybody has to find out for themself what makes their life "worthwhile". I think once you find that you get closer to being happy, or at least to being able to move towards things that will make you happier (see above).
Just to clarify here, when I say "happy" I don't mean "Wow, I'm so blissed-out, hello flowers, hello trees". I mean something calmer and deeper than that. For me, "happiness" is at least partly dependent on a feeling that my life is going in the right direction. (I suspect you believe that I can't possibly be "going in the right direction" without God; if so, then on that point we will just have to agree to differ.)
> For me, it's a question of loving people . . .
> That's a pretty nice version of the pursuit of happiness.
Hmmm. I don't think of it as "nice". It's ongoing hard work, a lot of the time. Good, but not nice.
I keep running into Ayn Rand devotees and their version (I think) is not nice, to say the least.
I've never read any Ayn Rand. "The pursuit of happiness" means very different things to different people, though.