Clearing out

[j4]

We have just evicted the mother of all spiders from our beer cupboard under the stairs:



I was rather sad to see it go; it was big and furry and rather sweet in an ugly kind of way, and it wasn't doing anybody any real harm.

After that, I cleared out my inbox by deleting all the "Girl's Own" mailing list messages, having just unsubscribed from said list. For a while I've felt that I didn't really belong there, and then I received this by email:

over the past couple of months, in off-list conversations, at least a dozen - maybe more, I certainly haven't been keeping track - of the more interesting & longtime GOers have mentioned that you are a bit too opinionated on *every single topic* that comes up & that you always seem to have to have the last word. Some of them are even becoming reluctant to post because they think you're going to pounce/belittle them. Part of this may be an age thing - I think most of the more active GOers are 40+ (35+ anyway) & for many this is the only list they're on and the tone *is* generally pretty collegial. Their reaction - even *my* reaction - is rapidly becoming 'Oh god - *her* again.' To be really blunt, you're getting up people's noses.

*Nobody* really thinks the list should be all sweetness & light and we should just be talking about the 'nice school stories' and if you scroll back through the archives you'll find plenty of threads (inc lots of mine) that are fairly controversial/serious. But *not all the time.* I'd strongly suggest that you back off a bit and really listen to the tone of your posts. You'll find you do come across very strongly, not on important stuff but on topics that are really irrelevant fluff that nobody gives a damn about, and it makes you seem very aggressive. So give it a break. This list *is* mainly to talk about GO books and every single OT thread doesn't have to be relentlessly pursued, chewed & battled over.

Well, they're right; I do have opinions about all sorts of irrelevant things, and I tend to be quite outspoken, and I'm not good at confining my conversation to the wide-eyed vacant lists of "books that are really nice" (and occasionally, more controversially, "books that are horrid so I don't read them") that a lot of people seem content with. I've blethered on about housework and baking and times-tables (though I haven't started any off-topic threads as far as I can recall, just joined in with other people's) more than I have about books recently because whenever I mention a book the conversation immediately stops. Probably because I use big words like "character" and "style", and don't burst into inconsolable tears if somebody doesn't like my favourite author.

The person who sent me the email quoted above suggested that if I was bored I should run a book discussion. I'm not "bored", I'm just being driven out of my mind by the drivelling inanity which makes up 90% of the list's content, and utterly mystified as to how the interesting and intelligent 10% of contributors have managed to put up with it for so long. And the last thing which is likely to help with that is to be forced to set a load of primary-school homework questions ("In Clichés in the Lower Fourth, do you think Emily-Jane is a nice person? Should she have told tales on Malvina? Why does Miss Bobbins give her a ticking-off?") for the sort of people who think Enid Blyton is intellectually challenging.

On the whole, I miss the spider more.

Comments

[j4.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if you -- is it Shereen still? We've no way of knowing, one anonymous sniper looks much like another here -- are talking to ejde, whose comment you're replying to, or to me. I'm replying as if the comments are aimed at me, because I can't speak for ejde.

There's a difference between disagreeing with what I say and attacking me personally. I don't tend to "go nuts" if people disagree with my opinions; though given that most of my opinions are things I've actually thought about, I am likely to be irritated when people's first reaction is to assume that I'm just slinging out ideas without a moment's thought (which tells me more about their usual modus operandi than anything else). I am also willing to defend my opinions when they are challenged; I don't think this is a bad thing.

You see, the sort of interaction where person A says "I like X", person B says "I like Y", and everybody says "Oh, that's nice" is anathema to me. I don't see the point of conversations where people just list things that they like and everybody smiles indulgently. I'm interested in people, I'm interested to know why they like different things, what motivates them, what informs their choices and opinions, what makes them tick. And yes, I get frustrated when -- as so frequently happens -- I find that the vast majority of people simply never think about those things, and have no idea why they hold their opinions: they just have them, and they're right, and that's the end of it, and any challenging of their opinions is a personal affront.

So, disagreeing with my opinions is one thing; and, by and large, a good thing (although some people disagree more objectionably than others). However, when people a) email me to tell me they don't like me expressing opinions in their hearing at all, and b) deliberately and actively search for more of my writing on the web just so that they can object to that as well, that's a different kettle of fish ... and, yes, it does make me angry.

I left GO because I was told categorically that I was unwelcome there. Fine: I wasn't suited to that context, it wasn't suited to me. However, I assumed that if I stopped pushing my oh-so-terrible opinions into the inboxes of the people who objected to me, then they would have their space back (and would be free to defame me if they so wished without the risk of me defending myself) and I would be able to carry on talking in the style to which I'm accustomed in the places where I know that a) people don't object to me, and b) people are actually intelligent enough to exercise some sort of selective filtering system -- whether mental or technological -- on their reading material.

Sadly, that wasn't the case. I left GO and carried on saying what I wanted to say here (I've been keeping a journal here for a couple of years now, so it's not as if it was set up to spite GO -- this little spat has been just one little storm in the teacup [though I'd prefer a pint-glass] of my life) only to find that GOers were cheerfully hunting me down just to start fights with me. (You were all bitching about me on GO as soon as I left, but you may have noticed I didn't resubscribe just to start fights with you!)

I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve. Let me put it in plain terms: I will continue to post what the bloody hell I like here. Sometimes it will be intended to be intelligent and thought-provoking; sometimes it will be utterly, drivellingly, shamelessly banal. But this is a personal journal that I allow the world to read; the world is free to comment, but this is an opt-in medium (all the more so if you don't even have a LiveJournal account so you're not getting this dumped to your 'friends' page automatically) -- as such, you can't expect too much sympathy if you opt into it of your own free will and then start whining about my style and insisting that I alter it to suit you.