Keep your own counsel

[j4]

Still angry about the counselling appointment. What the nice lady at the General Practice forgot to tell me when she recommended The Cogwheel Trust was that they're a Christian counselling organisation. Which is, quite frankly, the last thing I want. So they mentioned this when they were going through all the introductory blurb, and I reacted with surprise, and then had to explain why I wasn't entirely happy with it. The thing is, while I did have very bad experiences with the church and am still very angry and bitter about a lot of it, I don't think it's terribly relevant to my current mental state. I mean, it's not something I think about unless people try to "witness" (*shudder*) to me, or try to persuade me to come to church (or to FREE PIZZA! and a short talk about how much Jesus loves you) with them.

Once we'd got through that, though, the rest of the session wasn't much better. I'm more and more starting to think that I just don't get on with counselling in general. I'm sick and tired of answering the same questions again and again about when I did what, I'm sick of being told that I'm trying to trivialise certain aspects of my past when in fact I've just got over them, taken what's useful from them and moved on. It's like I'm not allowed to only be bothered by specific things; I have to work through all the same stuff again every single goddamned time. I mean, I know it's all intertwingled, but honestly. I want some "counselling for people who've already had so much counselling they can't keep track" sessions. Advanced counselling for long-term fruitcakes.

Anyway, at least I've only wasted £30; I have to pay for the trial session, but they're letting me "decide whether I want to continue" and I think I already know the answer to that one. I think I'd be better spending the money on cake, or train tickets to Oxford, or something.

Actually, that's a great idea. I'll set aside the money I would have spent on counselling and use it to buy nice things. :)

* * *

Oh, since I'm here, I might as well do the latest viral self-labelling exercise.

A - Act your age? When I have to.
B - Born on what day of the week? Friday. ("Works hard for a living"? Yeah, right.)
C - Chore you hate? Hoovering.
D - Dad's name? Cliff McKnight
E - Essential makeup item? nailvarnish (all 50-odd colours that I have...)
F - Favorite actor? Judy Garland.
G - Gold or silver? Silver.
H - Hometown? No idea what this means. Born in Uxbridge; raised in Crawley Down, Bramhall, Loughborough; lived in Oxford and Cambridge since then. Don't feel at home anywhere really, except possibly Oxford, and some areas of Switzerland.
I - Instruments you play? Piano, violin, viola, recorder (sop, descant, treble, tenor), flute (badly), guitar (worse). ("My name's Janet, and I play the fool.")
J - Job title? Editorial Assistant. (Should be "Speaks-to-programmers.")
K - Kids? I hope so. I really hope so.
L - Living arrangements? Me and sion_a, big house, lots of books, too many computers. Hopefully some cats soon, too.
M - Mum's name? Denise.
N - Number of people you've slept with? Er, 26-ish, modulo a) definitions of "slept with" (Does it COUNT? Moo.) and b) unaccountable memory lapses.
O - Overnight hospital stays? Yes, one. Useful learning experience.
P - Phobia? Flying ants. Filling in forms.
Q - Quote you like? Too many to list! How about "Sometimes in life you've got to dance like nobody's watching".
R - Religious affiliation? No thanks, I'm trying to give it up.
S - Siblings? One younger sister.
T - Time you wake up? 7:45, when James Naughtie's dulcet tones wake me into another dull day.
U - Unique habit? That horrible thing I can do with my eyes. Basically rolling them round independently of each other.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? None, but given a choice I'll avoid celery.
W - Worst habit? Playing minesweeper. Chewing my fingers. God, so many to choose from! Changing the subject between asking a question and getting an answer.
X - X-rays you've had? Teeth only (but quite a lot of those).
Y - Yummy food you make? fruitcaaaaaaake!
Z - Zodiac Sign? Taurus (load of bull if you ask me)

Comments

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Would it be overly Pavlovian of me to say your sister is kind of cute [ in a sets the paternal instincts going kind of way ] ?

It's also kind of nice to see someone else whose "number of people slept with" has error bars. [ My usual answer to that one is "how Clintonesque are your definitions ?" ]

This counselling should only be attempted by experienced fruitcakes ?

[j4.livejournal.com]

Would it be overly Pavlovian of me to say your sister is kind of cute [ in a sets the paternal instincts going kind of way ] ?

Hey, I think she's cute, and I don't have any paternal instincts. ;-) ... For maximum soap-opera value, of course, this is where I find out that she's reading my LiveJournal.

It's also kind of nice to see someone else whose "number of people slept with" has error bars. [ My usual answer to that one is "how Clintonesque are your definitions ?" ]

Quite. It's particularly a problem since, well, the things that seem to "count" as sex for girl-girl are different from what seems to "count" for girl-boy. ... There's also an emotional dimension, whether I want there to be or not; so there's a couple of instances where I've thought "No, that doesn't count, because it was a sordid not-quite-sex encounter with somebody I didn't really fancy" -- oops, and I've just realised I've missed one person off that list entirely, possibly because according to Official History of that social group I'm not meant to have slept with them -- or "Well, that was just drunken fumbling at a party, and I fell out with them a few weeks later anyway".

Then there's the question of "does net-sex count"? ... But seriously.

This counselling should only be attempted by experienced fruitcakes ?

May contain traces of nuts. (Dammit, if you will give me the feedlines.)

[reddragdiva]

Well, yes. In a discussion of this point with another bi friend, we eventually came up with "proceeding with intent towards orgasm". Which, for added points, sounds like an English sex crime.

I have a list somewhere. The number varies by about eight or so, depending what counts.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Hey, I think she's cute, and I don't have any paternal instincts. ;-)

Unleash your inner daddy.

For maximum soap-opera value, of course, this is where I find out that she's reading my LiveJournal.

I did mail her, but only because I think if someone is going to have a rant about good web-page design as a major feature of their online presence, it ill behooves them to have a front page that uses red on green. One in twenty men are red-green colour-blind [ well, Caucasian men anyway, but I think we can safely say Caucasian men are not a trivial fraction of web users ], and it's been a serious issue for me in the web database design I've done.

Quite. It's particularly a problem since, well, the things that seem to "count" as sex for girl-girl are different from what seems to "count" for girl-boy.

Ooh, who gets to do the counting ?

There's also an emotional dimension, whether I want there to be or not; so there's a couple of instances where I've thought "No, that doesn't count, because it was a sordid not-quite-sex encounter with somebody I didn't really fancy" -- oops

Ick. Sympathies. Not done that.

Then there's the question of "does net-sex count"?

*nod* Isn't there one of the purity tests that where you get points on a sliding scale for shorter and shorter spans of time between meeting someone and having sex with them ? I seem to remember seeing something like that, and noting there wasn't space provided for first having sex before you'd met.

This counselling should only be attempted by experienced fruitcakes ?

May contain traces of nuts. (Dammit, if you will give me the feedlines.)

"Until I work out which one of us is me I'm keeping my straight lines to myself."

[wintrmute.livejournal.com]

At least you know an approximate value.
I just lost count completely. I never was very good at counting.

Definately agree with the issues over what counts.. Perhaps what we need is a kind of fractional points system? Eg:
"meaningful, emotional, protracted" sex with someone scores 1.0.
"reasonably sexual snogging" scores 0.05.
Score everything else somewhere inbetween, or whatever.

Except then it's not an actual measure of how many people you've really slept with anymore, and starts becoming too much like lots of adding up and multiplying.

[j4.livejournal.com]

Definately agree with the issues over what counts.. Perhaps what we need is a kind of fractional points system? Eg:
"meaningful, emotional, protracted" sex with someone scores 1.0.
"reasonably sexual snogging" scores 0.05.
Score everything else somewhere inbetween, or whatever.

So what counts as "meaningful"? Do you have to have thought it was meaningful at the time, or still think so in retrospect?

And what counts as "protracted" sex? Length of time per shag? Length of time between first shag and last shag with person? Any adjustments for time elapsed between shags?

Except then it's not an actual measure of how many people you've really slept with anymore

So what does "really slept with" mean? This is the point, it's never a measure of anything except what you want it to measure. Which makes it all a bit meaningless.

[wintrmute.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

You can continue to refine the definitions until there is no longer any doubt about them, but by the time you finish, you end up with a ruleset which generates a score for you which is only meaningful in terms of the 'sexual activity scoring system'. A meaningless number.

[sphyg.livejournal.com]

You of all people should know that biology needs error bars ;P

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Of course; this is why I'm a programmer.

[sphyg.livejournal.com]

I was going to ask you about the time split between biological and normal IT stuff, but my brain can't phrase it properly.