Mania never lay your head down
Nov. 11th, 2004 11:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
j4I need to cut down on the caffeine, or something. Since last night my brain has been rattling around like a pea in a piggybank; all I can do is make crap puns and free-associate off everything people say.
I wondered the other day whether I'm trying to do too much. The last two days have managed to include: one karate lesson; one singing rehearsal; one orchestra rehearsal; reading two and a half novels; writing a long 'creative' LJ post and a link-saturated blog-style LJ post; one supermarket shopping trip; and enough work (including one edition of the Reporter) that my employers aren't complaining. The problem is then I write it all down and look at it and think "Not ENOUGH! I'm NOT DOING ENOUGH!"
I resent having to sleep. I stay up till 2am reading and wake up at 8am. (There'll be time enough for sleeping when we're dead.) I read while I'm brushing my teeth so the time isn't totally wasted on tedious bits of life-maintenance. I'm trying to live nine lives in one. (It's about being able to fly; it's about dying nine times.) And I'm still not achieving anything. Why can't I put all this effort and energy into something worthwhile rather than endless, pointless middle-class hobbies? What the hell is worthwhile anyway?
This post brought to you by Janet's Teenage Brain.
I need a holiday.
I wondered the other day whether I'm trying to do too much. The last two days have managed to include: one karate lesson; one singing rehearsal; one orchestra rehearsal; reading two and a half novels; writing a long 'creative' LJ post and a link-saturated blog-style LJ post; one supermarket shopping trip; and enough work (including one edition of the Reporter) that my employers aren't complaining. The problem is then I write it all down and look at it and think "Not ENOUGH! I'm NOT DOING ENOUGH!"
I resent having to sleep. I stay up till 2am reading and wake up at 8am. (There'll be time enough for sleeping when we're dead.) I read while I'm brushing my teeth so the time isn't totally wasted on tedious bits of life-maintenance. I'm trying to live nine lives in one. (It's about being able to fly; it's about dying nine times.) And I'm still not achieving anything. Why can't I put all this effort and energy into something worthwhile rather than endless, pointless middle-class hobbies? What the hell is worthwhile anyway?
This post brought to you by Janet's Teenage Brain.
I need a holiday.
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-11 07:26 am (UTC)So far as I'm concerned, I play from my strengths, and I do appear to be good at some things, and very bad a t others, like public speaking; learning to find it morally acceptable therefore not to do public speaking but to concentrate on where I think I can make a difference and not feel guilty about not being able to do some things has been good for me.
Oh, and I've sent you the link to "There is comfort in the knowledge...", yes ?