Still ill

[j4]

I came off the Pill on Thursday. I'm now shaky, nauseous, and uncontrollably weepy (and my period won't stop). Every time I think it can't possibly get any worse while I'm putting so much effort into trying to make it better, it does. And after 10+ years of fighting depression I'm really tired of being shouted at for not being optimistic enough about getting better or finding a cure.

And yes, I cried, I'm sorry, I cried because I'm in pain and I'm frightened and I am worn down to scratchy backing-material and bent tacks from gritting my teeth and trying not to feel the wrong thing.

I feel like my life is just one big flat I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry with nowhere left to hide.

Comments

[k425.livejournal.com]

When did your period start - before or after you stopped taking the Pill? The average non-Pill period is about 5 days, I think, so you may be at the tail end. What are you taking for the pain? If it's not helping, I've just discovered that you can buy paracetamol and dihydrocodeine over the counter at Boots (even stronger than paracetamol and codeine) and it made a difference to my period-affected weekend!

[lnr]

Oh dear. I don't think you need to apologise for it or for crying. I know I would. Hell I do over smaller things. I wish there was anything I could do.

[taimatsu]

I'm free at the moment - would a visit help? ('No' is a perfectly fine response which does not require explanation or apology.)

[perdita-fysh.livejournal.com]

I came off the pill in june and went onto Implanon (the rod in your arm). They warned me my periods would be potentially 'irregular' thereafter, but I didn't realise this would mean anything from 3 days of the stomach ache with no bleed (first one) to two weeks of solid bleeding (out of 3 weeks of my recent holiday, natch). Someone definitely needs to Invent Better Stuff in this regard.

Regarding the depression I can't advise only offer sympathy and potentially Hot Tea (although possibly not from this distance). As a non-sufferer I can't imagine not being able to snap myself out of it with a stern talking to, so I'm useless at empathy for this kind of thing. Which is nice for me, but no use at all to you. Sorry!

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

Chamomile tea helps me a lot with period pains. YMMV.

It is okay to cry. It is okay to be sad or upset or scared. You don't have to apologise for your feelings. Learning to deal with them appropriately is a whole different matter but you are quite obviously working on that.

[anat0010.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I know its no consolation, but at the Warneford I met an old chap who had been fighting depression for 50 years. It can be done, hang on in there.
If you're struggling, talk to your GP about anti-depressants, there are many different ones out there. If your brain is anything other than an 'off the shelf' model, years of juggling dosage are needed before finding a combination that works for you.
If you're on anti-depressants, get a review. You probably need an adjustment.
If you're not on anti-depressants, get some. They wont make you 'well' but they will take away the worst of the bad bits.

(currently surviving 21 years of depression, if only just)

Congratulations on going through with it!

[vinaigrettegirl.livejournal.com]

Anyone shouts at you for not having the right level of optimism, you sic me on 'em, and I'll bite their legs off, I will.

It will take a while for your hormones to sort themselves out. This period won't last forever. You may have fibroids: go back to your GP and ask if they had considered that, and if so, what would they recommend? (I had a lumpectomy about ten years ago, which was scary as nobody knew at the time if the lump was benign or not, but it did wonders. No more three-week periods. Oh, yes, I had Child afterwards. I should also add that every type of Pill I had tried made the fibroids MUCH worse.)

If it's at all possible, try to treat the symptoms a few hours at a time: I can't tolerate ginger tea for tummy pains but small amounts of candied ginger, I can. It may be simple stress (even positive stress, like moving house and changing some major life plans such as who you are actually living with, is stressful). Talk to Himself. He won't be surprised, I'm sure, if you tell him it's wonderful and yet scary at the same time. Chocolate is good: I prefer plain for period pains. Toll House cookies are even better, and making them is a good way to place your attention elsewhere, even if you end up with no baked cookie dough because raw Toll House dough is so wonderful.

Being in pain and utterly worn out sounds like a perfectly rational cause for tears, and conversely, crying a totally rational response to those conditions. We're not in the middle of the Blitz, and stiff upper lips are not called for at this time...

but I'm not trying to criticise you for wanting a stiff upper lip, either.

Want a cookie recipe?

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Don't fret over loved ones running away; they will be back, because they love you.

It might be small comfort, but you could go see Kristin Hersh in London (http://www.livejournal.com/community/sundrops/20689.html) in six weeks.

[juggzy.livejournal.com]

When I came off the pill, at the age of 24, having been on it for five years, I had a similar reaction. It settled down eventually. The painful periods restarted later, and I am now sure are fairly linked to weak muscle tone and lack of excercise - so a different cause, because you don't have either of those. It hurts like hell. I recall it being a grit my teeth and get through it, eventually. Although I did end up making all of my housemates and my boyfriend at the time run around after me like mad mayflies.

I never went back on the pill because of this one reaction from coming off it.

All I want to do is reassure that, however horrible it feels right now:

a. It will get better
b. It's perfectly normal. If I can be presented as an example of perfectly normal.

[rmc28]

Don't apologise for crying; don't feel you should hide how you feel. I know I would be crying and furious if my body was putting me through what yours is.

If I think of something more useful than tea and sympathy (or you do) I'll do it.