Still ill

[j4]

I came off the Pill on Thursday. I'm now shaky, nauseous, and uncontrollably weepy (and my period won't stop). Every time I think it can't possibly get any worse while I'm putting so much effort into trying to make it better, it does. And after 10+ years of fighting depression I'm really tired of being shouted at for not being optimistic enough about getting better or finding a cure.

And yes, I cried, I'm sorry, I cried because I'm in pain and I'm frightened and I am worn down to scratchy backing-material and bent tacks from gritting my teeth and trying not to feel the wrong thing.

I feel like my life is just one big flat I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry with nowhere left to hide.

Comments

Re: Congratulations on going through with it!

[(Anonymous)]

(Too hurried to log in.) {{{{{ aw }}}}}}. Ow.

Bodies can be feckwitted, always mixing stuff up when we've categorised everything so neatly....

All I can say is that your arguments and elements of t'other's crossness and your devastation are terribly familiar, and that isn't meant to minimise what you're going through, just saying that it's familiar. YOu have invested a great deal in your relationship with Owen and it's new and it's bloody important. (I think one of my Dad's most wounding maxims was "You're TOO SENSITIVE." and 'II also upbraids me for being touchy and having the memory of an elephant about words not spoken or if spoken then never meant. Therefore one is an idiot for not recognising what's meant and what isn't. PEOPLE!!!!)

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