Oranges are not the only strategy

[j4]

I bought two clementines from Sainsbury's yesterday. Ate one then, one now. Yesterday's was firm-fleshed and thick-skinned, peeling easily, tart and bright to taste, and made my hands smell of oranges for the rest of the day. Today's was soft, sweet-tasting, peeling off in tiny scrubs and patches, leaving my hands smelling bitter. Full of pips. A completely different species. I bought two bottles of coke at the same time, and they were identical. Sometimes coke does taste different from itself (and cans taste different from bottles), but not this time.

Apparently it's summer already, three weeks early. My brain seems to be estivating. Struggling to find the words for replies to comments or emails, even the simple ones, especially the simple ones.

Comments

[barnacle.livejournal.com]

Did the oranges have those fatuous stickers on them? I imagine the first one bearing the message "Eat me now!" and the second one "Save me for later!" When you peel the second one's sticker off, there's another message underneath saying "Ha, ha! Suck-errrrr!"

[j4.livejournal.com]

No, they didn't. Just the standard label saying "this fruit has travelled so many miles that you'll never expiate the sin even if you walk to Australia to recycle your grandmother".

I hate the talkative labels, though. I don't want my food to talk to me. "Try me with salad!" Er, no thanks, if you don't mind, sorry, I'll just HANG ON WTF R U DOIN THAR APOLOGISING TO AN ORANGE?!

[fivemack.livejournal.com]

It is the end of the season of small oranges, and the season of nectarines has not begun; however Valencias, the one true reliable orange, are starting to appear, and they're as sweet and juicy, and unlike Naval oranges cannot double as cannon-balls when your ammunition is running low.

I'm sorry if this wasn't meant to be a conversation about oranges.

Apologising to the porcelain orange

[barnacle.livejournal.com]

You can keep your sodding Navels:
 They scarcely count as food.
You can even keep your Jaffas:
 Valencias are good.

Sevilles and Minneolas
 Are somewhat less than fruit
Compared to God's own orange:
 Valencias sind gut.

The mandarins and tangerines
 And clementines and then
The blasted blood orange: what rot!
 Valencias están bien.

[ronebofh.livejournal.com]

Oh, BRA-vo.