Etiquette question

[j4]

If someone invites you to a party, and the invitation doesn't say "bring partners" (but does imply that it's okay to bring friends), and your partners are not on the invite list in their own right, is it rude to email and ask whether it's okay to bring partners? Would it be rude (even ruder?) to just bring partners anyway (on the basis that they are my friends as well)? Or should one assume that if the partners in question were welcome in the first place, they would have been on the invite list?

Comments

[rbarclay.livejournal.com]

And before you tell me that only ...

It's not that I think my views on that are berrer or somesuch. Those are my views, valid only for me and in my social context. And who knows, maybe I'm only a naive 20something in a weird-assed not-very-open relationship ;-?
I specifically tried to not rate any lifestyle better than another, just wanted to provide some background on the social context I live in since I guessed that accounts for some of the differences in our views.

It sounds like the people who you're visiting will already know that if they invite you then they're also inviting your partner.

Unless they state otherwise, yes, it's the underlying assumption. That does not mean that stating otherwise would be a problem. Also doesn't mean that it'd be a problem if the partner doesn't come along. Plus, last not least, it doesn't imply that if I wouldn't want to bring my partner along would become a problem. It does mean that when one does something outside the usual context (say, going to the farewell-party of an ex-colleague you've never known that well. Example taken out of my recent social activities) it'd be a good idea to not rely on the assumption but to ask.
And to get back on the original topic: if the person had a problem with the asking itself, I'd probably decline the offer anyway.

But in general I wouldn't want to assume that somebody who had invited me to a party or other random social gathering was aware of the Divine Right of Couples (or does it only apply to monogamous couples?) to go everywhere together even if they're not invited.

And there's no "Divine Right Of Couples" for me, be they mono- or polygamous, hetero- or homosexual, or whatever. I just tried to provide some background on my views, and I can't tell if you're offended (it does look that way, but with english not being my native language and not knowing you personally, it's pretty hard to tell).