Days of whine and grouses
Aug. 12th, 2003 04:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
j4If you're likely to get annoyed with me for whining, do us both a favour and look away now.
Fed up with work, both in the microcosm (things going wrong with the actual work) and the macrocosm (the job itself is fucking tedious). Fed up with feeling like this about it; I feel like I ought to be able to just put up with it and make the best of a crap job because it's probably the best I'm ever going to have. At this rate probably the only job I'm ever going to have, since when they fire me (as they inevitably will) I'll have no references as well as no experience.
Fed up with pointless arguments on email; after today's exchanges I'm almost looking forward to not being able to email at all in working hours. It might make things easier. As it is I just seem to spend the entire day feeling miserable when emails are terse and disinterested, and feeling paranoid and stressed when emails aren't forthcoming at all.
Fed up with not being able to talk about relationships, whether they're going well or not; there's no-one with whom I can share the fears and doubts, or enthuse about the good bits. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a vacuum. Though actually I know I'm living in a huge messy house full of broken things, and that's another thing that I'm fed up with, I don't feel at home there, I don't feel I can make it my home. I don't feel it's ever going to be the place I dreamed it was going to be.
I want to go home, and I don't know where home is. I feel like crying, but if I start I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to stop.
Fed up with work, both in the microcosm (things going wrong with the actual work) and the macrocosm (the job itself is fucking tedious). Fed up with feeling like this about it; I feel like I ought to be able to just put up with it and make the best of a crap job because it's probably the best I'm ever going to have. At this rate probably the only job I'm ever going to have, since when they fire me (as they inevitably will) I'll have no references as well as no experience.
Fed up with pointless arguments on email; after today's exchanges I'm almost looking forward to not being able to email at all in working hours. It might make things easier. As it is I just seem to spend the entire day feeling miserable when emails are terse and disinterested, and feeling paranoid and stressed when emails aren't forthcoming at all.
Fed up with not being able to talk about relationships, whether they're going well or not; there's no-one with whom I can share the fears and doubts, or enthuse about the good bits. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a vacuum. Though actually I know I'm living in a huge messy house full of broken things, and that's another thing that I'm fed up with, I don't feel at home there, I don't feel I can make it my home. I don't feel it's ever going to be the place I dreamed it was going to be.
I want to go home, and I don't know where home is. I feel like crying, but if I start I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to stop.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-17 11:43 am (UTC)Kathy's three next month. It's possible to read her stories now, as long as they're not to long and there aren't many words on each page (otherwise she gets agitated and turns the pages before you've finished). It's not very possible to play interesting games; she's progressed from breaking anything I make in lego before I've made it, but she still takes it away as soon as it gets interesting. I have to wait until she goes to sleep to play with the train set. And I can't even type this without her clinging to my throat whinging that it's her turn now. I mean, yes they're a Good Thing, but the effort is more unremitting than one expects. First arrange your village...