*scratch*

[j4]

I'm in such a scratchy mood. Everybody and everything is irritating me at the moment. The colour of things. The sounds other people's typing makes. The sounds my own typing makes.

I mean, you know it's bad when you feel edgy and slightly nauseous at the sight of the marginally-oversized dots on the 'i's in a font. And when two seconds' wait for a webpage to load makes you want to put an axe through the monitor.

Apologies to anybody I've snapped at for absolutely nothing today. I will try to calm down.

Comments

Re: legitimate emotions

[j4.livejournal.com]

you're in love with someone who has already promised someone else to make *her* feelings, kids, and life his priority;

Er, well. He promised that ~20 years ago, and it certainly appears to be under review. Certainly if he made her feelings his priority he wouldn't be looking for jobs in Cambridge...

The kids still take priority over me, and always will, and that's fair enough; but he has said he will keep trying to sort things out so he and I can be together. Unfortunately at the moment pretty much any plan for our future relies on at least one of us having some kind of financial independence, which is proving tricky. I'm not asking him to make promises which are contingent on things outside his control.

you and he have (I trust) spent the w/e together and he has gone back and no doubt you are lonesome

Nope. He's coming down for the weekend tonight (he should have set off by now, actually); we've spent the last two weeks apart.

Long term, it all has to change, one way or another, because it isn't sustainable.

I know. :-/ That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid something will break, and break badly, before I get a chance to sort out something sustainable.

You are also entitled to wanting love, hugs, and consolation when YOU want them, not merely when it is possible for A.N. Other to take time away from other equally legitimate and chosen commitments.

Well, I'm entitled to want it, but that doesn't mean I'm entitled to get it. I don't believe in some kind of god-given entitlement to being loved and hugged whenever I feel the need, I'm afraid.

I also don't think that not-being-able-to-drop-everything-and-hug-me-whenever-I'm-being-wibbly is a failing in a partner. I think it's a sign that I'm being a little too needy. Whether I like it or not, hoiho does have other commitments as well, and I accept that; he may not always have the same commitments, but for the time being we're stuck with the situation as it is. I still think it's worth hanging on to. I still think he's worth hanging on to.

I don't want to have to rely on somebody else being there to pick me up whenever I fall over. I want to be able to get up, brush off the leaves and dirt, and carry on walking. I think I'll be a stronger person, and my relationship with him will be a stronger relationship, if I don't run crying to him like a toddler to its mum every time I have a bad moment, and then have a tantrum if he's unavoidably busy at the time.

It's good to recognise and respect your own needs and emotions

Agreed that it's good to recognise your own needs and emotions; but I don't think all of them are deserving of respect! Sometimes hard to distinguish "needs" from "wants", as well...

Will give the B vitamins and yam extract a go if I remember.

I think the scratchiness yesterday was being aggravated by

a) too much coffee,
b) people at work being moronic,
c) people not at work causing me hassle, and
d) not getting enough sleep.

Feeling better today, though that may just be because I get to see hoiho again tonight.

He really does make me insanely happy, you know, for all that the situation is driving me to distraction. The problem is, I feel frustrated by the situation, and that often presents as being frustrated with him (because it feels like he's the one who could Do Something About It, even though logically I know that he's doing all that he reasonably can, and probably more than he should, to try to be with me) and that causes more stress for both of us.

Re: legitimate emotions

[vinaigrettegirl.livejournal.com]

See "Men are like Buses" by Wendy Cope, in Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis.... :-)

BTW, you kindly offered me a code, just after someone else did, blessyou both; may I list you as a Friend?

Vinaigrette Girl

Re: legitimate emotions

[j4.livejournal.com]

Wendy Cope is Right. And of course you can list me as a friend. :)

[imc.livejournal.com]

[light dawns]
I had no idea that the KK in j4's journal was the same mysterious person as the VG in bisonwife's journal. Another case of `small world' syndrome, it seems.

Anyway, in that case j4 probably offered you the code before I did, but it doesn't matter as you've got it now.