Study in blue
Dec. 17th, 2003 10:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
j4Seeing ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hoiho's enthusiasm for his PhD application, and reading marnameow's post about wanting to study again, is really bringing home to me how much I miss studying. I originally wanted to do postgrad work in English, but my tutors talked me out of it (on the grounds that people only stood a chance of getting funding if they got a First, and they didn't think I should count on getting one); so I left, and got a job, and now I'm still in that job, and I feel as though I've achieved precisely nothing in the 3+ years I've been doing it.
The problem is, I don't think I'd know how to study any more. And I certainly wouldn't know how to begin writing about my "current research interests" as I'd have to do if I wanted to apply to do postgrad study -- basically, looking at the application forms and requirements, I need to be doing research in order to start doing research. Which means I should be doing it in my spare time while I'm working ... and I simply don't have the energy. Which, of course, means I'm not capable of doing postgrad study anyway: if I can't make the time/energy to study now, there's no way I could do a postgraduate degree.
I have so many ideas for things I want to write about, but I no longer seem to be able to put them into words. And if I do try to put them into words, the ideas seem to shrink and shrink until they're the kind of ideas that 14-year-olds would scorn to bother with for GCSE coursework.
I wish I could just make myself accept the fact that I'm not an intellectual, and never will be. Yes, I was passable at my schoolwork; that doesn't mean I can compete with adults. ... I wish I could stop thinking altogether.
hoiho's enthusiasm for his PhD application, and reading marnameow's post about wanting to study again, is really bringing home to me how much I miss studying. I originally wanted to do postgrad work in English, but my tutors talked me out of it (on the grounds that people only stood a chance of getting funding if they got a First, and they didn't think I should count on getting one); so I left, and got a job, and now I'm still in that job, and I feel as though I've achieved precisely nothing in the 3+ years I've been doing it.The problem is, I don't think I'd know how to study any more. And I certainly wouldn't know how to begin writing about my "current research interests" as I'd have to do if I wanted to apply to do postgrad study -- basically, looking at the application forms and requirements, I need to be doing research in order to start doing research. Which means I should be doing it in my spare time while I'm working ... and I simply don't have the energy. Which, of course, means I'm not capable of doing postgrad study anyway: if I can't make the time/energy to study now, there's no way I could do a postgraduate degree.
I have so many ideas for things I want to write about, but I no longer seem to be able to put them into words. And if I do try to put them into words, the ideas seem to shrink and shrink until they're the kind of ideas that 14-year-olds would scorn to bother with for GCSE coursework.
I wish I could just make myself accept the fact that I'm not an intellectual, and never will be. Yes, I was passable at my schoolwork; that doesn't mean I can compete with adults. ... I wish I could stop thinking altogether.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-17 07:55 am (UTC)That's definitely the case in Middlesbrough.
That's at Nottingham, which is supposedly very good for part-time and distance-learning and "continuing education".
Without contradicting you, I suspect that the former polytechnics may additionally be particularly good in this regard.
This term I have been studying at the University of Teesside, a former poly, on the first half of a UCPD course which translates to one-fifteenth of an undergraduate degree. (One module = 12 credits; 24 credits = UCPD, 60 credits = UCAPD, 120 credits = one year of an undergraduate degree.) I've been studying Database Analysis and it hasn't been as interesting as I had hoped, but the teacher is pleasant, helpful, dedicated and personable. The level is first-year undergraduate; not very difficult, but some points in it are challenging.
It wasn't cheap, but it's not super-expensive - £75 for a half-year course, one three-hour session per week. (Normally £150, but first 24 credits half price.) If I had been willing to study the material off-campus without tuition, I could have done it for £0, too. This gives me membership of the University of Teesside, access to the computing facilities, library, career services, support services, skills sessions, clubs and societies and so on and so on, so I can basically do all the student things I should've done first time round but didn't at the time. Not a bad deal at all.
I too am struggling with concepts like responsibility and commitment and working out what I ought to be doing (both in the long term and in the short term). Not quite the same thing as you, from what you're saying, but at least similar. Unfortunately I have no answers.