All good things...

[j4]

... must come to an end. So I find myself unfortunately back in the windswept flatlands now after a lovely holiday which I may write about at greater length some day. (Summary: company, food, scenery and weather all excellent.)

Will probably never catch up with LiveJournal, so if anything interesting's happened that I ought to know about, please let me know by email (or comment here).

Comments

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Glad the holiday was good, and also glad to have you back. *hug* Missed you.

[j4.livejournal.com]

In a way I wish I could have just stayed away forever, safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't be missed by anybody. It would have been so much easier.

[hoiho.livejournal.com]

safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't be missed by anybody

Very wrong there.

[j4.livejournal.com]

That's why I said "I wish". It would, you must admit, be much easier never to be missed by anybody.

[kaberett.livejournal.com]

*pouts*

[rmc28]

Bah.

[j4.livejournal.com]

I wished that I could be safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't be missed by anybody. But I know it's not true. That's the problem. That's why I can't just walk away.

[kaberett.livejournal.com]

Mmm. I have a bad habit of not reading things properly when I'm tired.

I'd be surprised if anyone hadn't just wanted to walk away. I don't know how I can say this without sounding pretentious... sometimes I just feel that I'm going to end up hurting everyone I come into contact with, to a greater or lesser degree, and they deserve better; mostly I feel (with the exception of a very few) that I met someone briefly, to do /something/ to make their life better, and once that's done they can carry on without me and I want to just fade away. Hmm. That sounded arrogant. But I know it's held true in a couple of cases.

I've forgotten where I've read it, and it's irritating me now, but it's very simply, "you can't just run away". And I'm fairly sure that if I did just walk away, I'd end up with other, different people to care about, and for the most part, I'm perfectly happy with the ones I have now, and one of the things I enjoy most is just watching the people I care about be happy. So I suppose what I'd like is selective invisibility.

[besskeloid.livejournal.com]

In a way I wish I could have just stayed away forever, safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't be missed by anybody.

Well BOG OFF THEN!


Just joshing you. I'm glad you're back on this island. You know lots of people are.

[j4.livejournal.com]

Well BOG OFF THEN!

Okay, I'll bog off. (She does not move.)

...

I know lots of people are glad I'm back. But part of me wishes that they wouldn't miss me, wishes that I could just walk away and never come back and that nobody would mind. That's what I was wishing. Wishing that people cared less. I don't want to hurt other people. But if I could be sure that nobody would mind too much I'd go.

It's only a part of me that wishes this. Mostly I'm glad people do care. But it would be so much easier sometimes if they didn't.