A shocking young punster from Enfield
May. 11th, 2009 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
j4At some point during the mildly-hungover post-fryup party-recovery session on Sunday morning, a new game was invented (or perhaps I should say perpetrated) by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hairyears and aardvark179 (I can't remember precisely where to lay the blame, which is probably for the best), ably aided and abetted by covertmusic, fivemack, taimatsu, addedentry and me. What is this new jeu du jour?
Oxbridge limericks.
It's not an aimless or endless meme: unusually, it's a meme with a publishable goal. The aim is to come up with limericks for each of the Oxford and Cambridge colleges. Most of the examples so far have been scurrilous in the extreme; I offer this most recent contribution phoned in (well, txted in) byhairyears as an exemplar:
The ultimate aim is to create two full sets of limericks for each university's colleges: one 'clean' (if you could tell it to your mum -- no, not Your Mum -- then it's probably fine) and one, er, not (see e.g. above). We'll collect the best ones (all entries will be subjected to rigorous peer-review through the media of LJ polls and shouting) and hopefully put them together into something on paper that people can keep (think of this as the Viz to Pocketful of Lies' LRB).
For the time being, just post your limericks as comments here or in your own journal with the tag 'oxbridgelimericks'; in time I may be able to find a better home for them, but I don't want to delay the fun because of boring information management issues. Examples have already been sighted in the wild; it's possible that we may be seeing the start of a limerick pandemic (popularly known as 'rhyme flu').
Go forth and versify!
hairyears and aardvark179 (I can't remember precisely where to lay the blame, which is probably for the best), ably aided and abetted by covertmusic, fivemack, taimatsu, addedentry and me. What is this new jeu du jour?Oxbridge limericks.
It's not an aimless or endless meme: unusually, it's a meme with a publishable goal. The aim is to come up with limericks for each of the Oxford and Cambridge colleges. Most of the examples so far have been scurrilous in the extreme; I offer this most recent contribution phoned in (well, txted in) by
hairyears as an exemplar: The delicate dons of St Hilda'sThe only rule over and above those dictated by the form is that the limerick must use the name of the college as the primary rhyme (commonly used shortened forms are acceptable, e.g. "Catz" for St Catherine's).
Were shocked by the bill from the builda's
They charged for the water,
The bricks and the mortar,
And labour, replacing the dilda's.
The ultimate aim is to create two full sets of limericks for each university's colleges: one 'clean' (if you could tell it to your mum -- no, not Your Mum -- then it's probably fine) and one, er, not (see e.g. above). We'll collect the best ones (all entries will be subjected to rigorous peer-review through the media of LJ polls and shouting) and hopefully put them together into something on paper that people can keep (think of this as the Viz to Pocketful of Lies' LRB).
For the time being, just post your limericks as comments here or in your own journal with the tag 'oxbridgelimericks'; in time I may be able to find a better home for them, but I don't want to delay the fun because of boring information management issues. Examples have already been sighted in the wild; it's possible that we may be seeing the start of a limerick pandemic (popularly known as 'rhyme flu').
Go forth and versify!
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Read at your peril, this is DISGUSTING
Date: 2009-05-13 10:00 pm (UTC)The Junior Dean of Mansfield
Had scabs on his prick that he peeled
His regions of nether
Were all stuck together
With hairs and the pus recongealed
I am terribly, terribly sorry.
By way of apology, a clean one about Blackfriars
Date: 2009-05-13 10:57 pm (UTC)Are scholarly, jolly, and pious
This rare combination
Requires meditation
And credit with sherry suppliers
...And a moderately clean one for Wolfson
Date: 2009-05-13 11:12 pm (UTC)A notable fellow of Wolfson
Regarded his job with revulsion
He eloped with the Dean
And was thereafter seen
Asleep in the Mexican Gulf's Sun
The rhyme 'revulsion' sort of works in a northern accent. Get
Re: ...And a moderately clean one for Wolfson
Date: 2009-05-14 11:16 am (UTC)Wolfson is the rare exception that has no Dean
</pedant>
Another clean one: St.John's
Date: 2009-05-13 11:28 pm (UTC)The wealthiest college, St.John's
Is stuffed with gold, silver, and bronze
The fellows, they dine
On such fine food and wine
That for tea they have caviar scones
The other usable rhymes are:
- Paris Salons;
- Strange going-ons;
- Swans;
- Dons;
- Cons.
...Which makes me think I could do better. Or at least: ruder.A truthful and somewhat wry observation would be:
The fellows, they dine
On the best food and wine;
But not for the students: just Dons.
However, I can't say that it's a terribly interesting Limerick. Perhaps if strange going-ons were laid-on... But not for the students, just Dons.
St. Catz attracts sarcasm and *no filth whatsoever*
Date: 2009-05-13 11:34 pm (UTC)Resembles the council-buit flats
This concreted folly
Was called 'Cherwell Poly'
And causes depression in rats
St. Anthony's is difficult...
Date: 2009-05-14 12:28 am (UTC)Grow up riding squashed little ponies
The rich little boys
Have Ferraris as toys
And get jobs in the banks with dad's cronies
A bestial Don at St.Anthony
Had a fetish we'll call Elephantony
He died in a funk,
In a clinch with a trunk
When the beast didn't want his implantony
Sweeping up the stragglers now...
Date: 2009-05-14 12:37 am (UTC)Have no say in hebdomadal Senates
A mere private hall
Does no voting at all
And so say our governing tenets
Campion, with no small measure of filth...
Date: 2009-05-14 12:51 am (UTC)A layman admitted to Campion
Had genitals shaped like a Champignon
They reached wide and deep
In his wife's dusty keep
And sucked out three dead mice and a tampion.
Oh well, Blackfriars gets a dose of filth too...
Date: 2009-05-14 01:32 am (UTC)Suppress their unnatural desires
For under their habits
Mechanical grabbits
Clamp down on their crotch when impious
An attempt to do one for Keble, but the rhymes are a bit challenging
Date: 2009-05-14 10:31 am (UTC)Did a rather rude dance on the teble
In the middle of grace
Her bra hit the face
Of the warden, who was rendered quite feble.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-14 02:45 pm (UTC)Whose efforts at sex were so feeble
A bicycle pump
Reinflated his stump
Like a wrinkled obese Manatee-bull
* Sigh * I suppose I'd better start on Cambridge...
Date: 2009-05-15 10:33 am (UTC)Are stern disapproving and frowning
But sometimes in Hall
They undress, baring all
In a perilous public dis-gowning
It's ok, I'll do the difficult ones first
Date: 2009-05-15 10:36 pm (UTC)Are geeky, computery, maven-ish
They hack through the night
And they never see light:
Like eyeless and spookery cavern-fish.
...All well and good, but it surely needs something fruitier.
An unnatural selection:
Date: 2009-05-15 10:55 pm (UTC)Discovered his income is halvin'
His wives went to court
To demand Child Support
Now this imprudent student is starvin'
Back to filth again: BESTIALITY
Date: 2009-05-15 11:04 pm (UTC)Was rather too fond of his spaniel
From dusk until dawn
His bizarre doggy porn
Was the pictures in Kennel Club Annual
no subject
Date: 2009-05-15 11:20 pm (UTC)Had cultures of fine Penicillium
The reason? 'tis said
He was actually dead
And it grew on his blue epithelium.
No comment required
Date: 2009-05-18 10:07 pm (UTC)A junior fellow of Selwyn
Had genitals shaped like a bell-wyn
The cute little clapper
Would ring in its wrapper
And tinkle inside mademoiselle-wyn
no subject
Date: 2009-05-25 06:12 pm (UTC)Insisted on natural Blondes
This fellow, 'tis said
Kicked girls out of bed
For mismatching hair on their mons.
Maudlin sentiment...
Date: 2009-06-02 12:17 am (UTC)Saw more of the bar than the Bordleian'
His slobbering jowl
Swallowed meat fish and fowl
And his gait, like a duck, became waddlian'
It's a sod to rhyme Magdalene
Date: 2009-06-02 12:29 am (UTC)Was an aristocrat and a lordling
By birthright and fluke,
His father, the Duke
Would amply reward him for dawdling
no subject
Date: 2009-12-13 07:58 pm (UTC)The students all lean out and moon 'em;
Each well-rounded rear
Sounds sweet to the ear:
The Porters use broomsticks to tune 'em.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-13 08:01 pm (UTC)The students all lean out and moon 'em;
Each well-rounded rear
Sings hymns to Ms Greer
The Porters use broomsticks to tune 'em.
With thanks to the poetic talents of