A shocking young punster from Enfield
May. 11th, 2009 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
j4At some point during the mildly-hungover post-fryup party-recovery session on Sunday morning, a new game was invented (or perhaps I should say perpetrated) by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hairyears and aardvark179 (I can't remember precisely where to lay the blame, which is probably for the best), ably aided and abetted by covertmusic, fivemack, taimatsu, addedentry and me. What is this new jeu du jour?
Oxbridge limericks.
It's not an aimless or endless meme: unusually, it's a meme with a publishable goal. The aim is to come up with limericks for each of the Oxford and Cambridge colleges. Most of the examples so far have been scurrilous in the extreme; I offer this most recent contribution phoned in (well, txted in) byhairyears as an exemplar:
The ultimate aim is to create two full sets of limericks for each university's colleges: one 'clean' (if you could tell it to your mum -- no, not Your Mum -- then it's probably fine) and one, er, not (see e.g. above). We'll collect the best ones (all entries will be subjected to rigorous peer-review through the media of LJ polls and shouting) and hopefully put them together into something on paper that people can keep (think of this as the Viz to Pocketful of Lies' LRB).
For the time being, just post your limericks as comments here or in your own journal with the tag 'oxbridgelimericks'; in time I may be able to find a better home for them, but I don't want to delay the fun because of boring information management issues. Examples have already been sighted in the wild; it's possible that we may be seeing the start of a limerick pandemic (popularly known as 'rhyme flu').
Go forth and versify!
hairyears and aardvark179 (I can't remember precisely where to lay the blame, which is probably for the best), ably aided and abetted by covertmusic, fivemack, taimatsu, addedentry and me. What is this new jeu du jour?Oxbridge limericks.
It's not an aimless or endless meme: unusually, it's a meme with a publishable goal. The aim is to come up with limericks for each of the Oxford and Cambridge colleges. Most of the examples so far have been scurrilous in the extreme; I offer this most recent contribution phoned in (well, txted in) by
hairyears as an exemplar: The delicate dons of St Hilda'sThe only rule over and above those dictated by the form is that the limerick must use the name of the college as the primary rhyme (commonly used shortened forms are acceptable, e.g. "Catz" for St Catherine's).
Were shocked by the bill from the builda's
They charged for the water,
The bricks and the mortar,
And labour, replacing the dilda's.
The ultimate aim is to create two full sets of limericks for each university's colleges: one 'clean' (if you could tell it to your mum -- no, not Your Mum -- then it's probably fine) and one, er, not (see e.g. above). We'll collect the best ones (all entries will be subjected to rigorous peer-review through the media of LJ polls and shouting) and hopefully put them together into something on paper that people can keep (think of this as the Viz to Pocketful of Lies' LRB).
For the time being, just post your limericks as comments here or in your own journal with the tag 'oxbridgelimericks'; in time I may be able to find a better home for them, but I don't want to delay the fun because of boring information management issues. Examples have already been sighted in the wild; it's possible that we may be seeing the start of a limerick pandemic (popularly known as 'rhyme flu').
Go forth and versify!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
A paean to my alma mater...
Date: 2009-05-12 10:14 am (UTC)Had farts that were musically-tunive
While drinking his ale
He would practice a scale
Amid fumes that would soon make one swoon-ive
The forgotten end of South Parks Road...
Date: 2009-05-12 10:23 am (UTC)Was so greedy that pigs couldn't mimic her
She dressed in a skirt
That was used as a Yurt
And wore underwear like a yacht's spinnaker.
I've got to better than that! It's horribly misogynist and fat jokes aren't all that funny. Would anyone care to try 'Picknicker'..? Something with 'cynic' might work with a little lexicological legerdemain...
The philosophy feller at Linacre
Was so cynical, no man was cynicker
He felt less superior
When mails from Nigeria
Hornswoggled him hook, line and sinkerer
I welcome all suggestions for improvement... Or any sufficiently profane-but-amusing worsening.
Re: The forgotten end of South Parks Road...
Date: 2009-05-12 11:01 am (UTC)Is nothing much more than a sinecure.
It leaves plenty of time
For dining on swine,
Eggs, tomatoes, and chips with vinegar
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 10:55 am (UTC)Who went on a very long pub crawl.
And on staggering bedwards
Found it called Murray Edwards
Which didn't impress her at all
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 11:05 am (UTC)Announced in hall she'd forgotten her shoes
What she failed to spot
(It was rather hot)
She'd forgotten her underwear, top and her trews
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 11:43 am (UTC)Have KGB spies on the brain,
Since the college's punts
Are named Anthony Blunt,
Burgess, Philby and Donald Maclean.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 11:50 am (UTC)I'll have to rethink that one.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 11:56 am (UTC)I tried to fit its proper name into one last night, and the best I managed was...
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 12:00 pm (UTC)took three Girton maids to the Ball
one was thin in the waist
one fat, and one chaste -
too little, too much, and f*ck all.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 01:08 pm (UTC)Kept her pristinely ironed hair shirt on
At all times of night;
Its sparkling white
Hid the stains when her neighbour was squirton.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 01:44 pm (UTC)A young gent was residing at Peterhouse
When challenged by medics to eat a mouse
He was drunk, so he tried it
And these days his diet
Is all natterjack, dragonfly, beetle, louse.
Working our way down Merton Lane...
Date: 2009-05-12 01:48 pm (UTC)Is horribly morally-twisty:
The queer old Corpuscle
Is wearing a bustle
With slits and and arrow marked "Fistie"
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 02:27 pm (UTC)There once was a lady from Ealing,
who had the most terrible feeling,
she fell with a splat, wasn't quite flat,
and pi**ed all over the ceiling.
I thankyouverymuch.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 03:12 pm (UTC)Held his female students in thrall
He'd usher them in
Then ply them with gin
And take them hard up against the wall.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 03:32 pm (UTC)Took a fancy to count all his hair
The eventual score
was a thousand and four
but barely a dozen 'down there'.
Still going strong - a clean one this time!
Date: 2009-05-12 03:59 pm (UTC)The sportsmen all love Teddy Hall
If you bat off a good steady ball
Or tackle in rugger
And row like a tug-a
Teddy Hall has a warm, ready stall
The tide of filth resumes...
Date: 2009-05-12 04:08 pm (UTC)The Warden and fellows of Wadham
Committed all sins known to Sodom
Plus some known to science
(A household appliance!)
Whatever, wherever, they'd rod 'em
The tide of filth resumes... and rises
Date: 2009-05-12 04:49 pm (UTC)We fellows and scholars of Balliol
Refused to admit a femailliol
Misogynist polity
Resisted equality
With vices that nicknamed us 'Brailliol'
Re: The tide of filth resumes... and rises
From:Oxbridge limericks
Date: 2009-05-12 04:14 pm (UTC)As Pembroke's name was once to be
Contained a young chap
Whose morals were crap
Which suited the dons to a tee
Baaaa!
Date: 2009-05-12 04:35 pm (UTC)The process we call Pembrokation
Lifts Welshmen above their true station
They learn Latin Grammar
And manners enamour
The rules of a civilised nation
I deserve a medal for getting THAT to rhyme
Date: 2009-05-12 04:16 pm (UTC)Set out a bizarre fetish stall
They sold leather whips
And gave practical tips
With a vaseline jar and a ball
no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 04:22 pm (UTC)'s the thing," said the don, "and if that
don't inspire them at Churchill
well then, the birch will
keep their minds on the who, why and what!"
Ah, it were grim when I were an undergrad.
Date: 2009-05-12 06:48 pm (UTC)was congealing fried-egg on Ryvitas.
If we left but a crumb
the porters would come
and chastise us with cane carpet-beaters.
Furthermore:
Date: 2009-05-12 06:56 pm (UTC)the bathrooms don't have any heaters.
The toilets are old
and covered in mould
and to flush you put coins into meters.
Whereas nowadays...
From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-12 08:57 pm (UTC)contracted some nasty diseases.
Now he jokingly wheezes
He's closer to Jesus
Than the Rector at Gonville And Caius is.
One of the difficult ones... With added filth
Date: 2009-05-13 03:43 am (UTC)Let sores on his glans penis fester
His one-eyed night porter
Got steadily shorter
And now he's a gerbil molester
Re: One of the difficult ones... With added filth
Date: 2009-05-13 02:10 pm (UTC)Re: One of the difficult ones... With added filth
From:This needs work...
Date: 2009-05-13 04:05 am (UTC)Paid cheap courtesans to motel-jog
Imagine our glee
When she turned out to be
A blackmailing blonde kiss-and-tell hog
Surely there's a better rhyme for Kellogg!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 10:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 01:45 pm (UTC)A virile young man at St. Peter's
Produced potent semen in litres.
Not only'd the stuff
Get his bird up the duff
But also the subsequent foetus.
I see that I have competition!
Date: 2009-05-13 01:55 pm (UTC)Re: I see that I have competition!
From:Would this erstwhile fishcake-decorator have any luck in Brasenose?
From:..With this kind of thing going on..?
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 02:25 pm (UTC)was not fond of the boaties at the Union.
But walking down King's Parade,
she gave the lie to this charade,
and was spotted arm in arm with a coxswain.
Are there any Oxford colleges left to do?
Date: 2009-05-13 03:03 pm (UTC)I *think* this is the last one:
The sprightliest fellow of Hertford
Would use any girl like a dartboard
Each hole he could stick in
Was quickly prick-stricken
As fast as the donnish old fart could
Does this one count as a college?
Date: 2009-05-13 03:16 pm (UTC)The slovenly students in Brookes
Can barely read Ladybird books
But no-one's complaining
'Tis only for training
Our gardeners, waiters and cooks