A shocking young punster from Enfield

[j4]

At some point during the mildly-hungover post-fryup party-recovery session on Sunday morning, a new game was invented (or perhaps I should say perpetrated) by hairyears and aardvark179 (I can't remember precisely where to lay the blame, which is probably for the best), ably aided and abetted by covertmusic, fivemack, taimatsu, addedentry and me. What is this new jeu du jour?

Oxbridge limericks.

It's not an aimless or endless meme: unusually, it's a meme with a publishable goal. The aim is to come up with limericks for each of the Oxford and Cambridge colleges. Most of the examples so far have been scurrilous in the extreme; I offer this most recent contribution phoned in (well, txted in) by hairyears as an exemplar:

The delicate dons of St Hilda's
Were shocked by the bill from the builda's
They charged for the water,
The bricks and the mortar,
And labour, replacing the dilda's.

The only rule over and above those dictated by the form is that the limerick must use the name of the college as the primary rhyme (commonly used shortened forms are acceptable, e.g. "Catz" for St Catherine's).

The ultimate aim is to create two full sets of limericks for each university's colleges: one 'clean' (if you could tell it to your mum -- no, not Your Mum -- then it's probably fine) and one, er, not (see e.g. above). We'll collect the best ones (all entries will be subjected to rigorous peer-review through the media of LJ polls and shouting) and hopefully put them together into something on paper that people can keep (think of this as the Viz to Pocketful of Lies' LRB).

For the time being, just post your limericks as comments here or in your own journal with the tag 'oxbridgelimericks'; in time I may be able to find a better home for them, but I don't want to delay the fun because of boring information management issues. Examples have already been sighted in the wild; it's possible that we may be seeing the start of a limerick pandemic (popularly known as 'rhyme flu').

Go forth and versify!

Comments

[mobbsy.livejournal.com]

There was a young fellow from the College of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Saint John the Evangelist and the glorious Virgin Saint Radegund, near Cambridge…

I'll have to rethink that one.

[megamole.livejournal.com]

Whose limericks never would scan?

I tried to fit its proper name into one last night, and the best I managed was...

[bjh21.livejournal.com]

Jesus College's short name's a con.
The proper one goes on and on.
It's got Mary in blue,
Saint Radegund too,
And the Saint and Evangelist John.

[hairyears.livejournal.com]

A pretty young student at Jeezers
Plucked out all her pubes with her tweezers
Her lips depilated
Were soon desecrated:
The dons are all dirty old geezers

The short central couplet could be replaced with something even more obscene, and more detailed in its insult to the senior common-room of Jesus: I penned this in something of a hurry so feel free to improve it...

Maybe this works better:

The senior common room
Explored her hairless womb

This could be turned into an implied (but far filthier) obscenity:

A pretty young student at Jeezers
Plucked out all her pubes with the tweezers
She found before dawn
That she'd cleared the wrong lawn
And the fellows are dirty old geezers

I had better stop. Sometime. Soon.

[covertmusic.livejournal.com]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article1426639.ece

Peter Smith, resigned his fellowship at Jesus College, Cambridge, in 2003 after it was revealed he had entertained dozens of prostitutes in his rooms and reviewed them for a website called Punternet

There was was a fellow from Jesus
Who thought that a womanwould please us
So he went to book her,
But she's the wrong sort of hooker,
And she'd much rather tackle than tease us!