Far to go / loving and giving

[j4]

This Sunday I'm running in the Town & Gown 10k again, in aid of Muscular Dystrophy. About 5 of my colleagues are running too, and I don't think any of them are trying to raise sponsorship at all -- for them it's purely about the running. I found this surprising, but perhaps I'm just naive and lots of people take that attitude -- if so, how do these events actually make any money for the charities? (Do some people raise so much sponsorship that it makes up for it?) I can sympathise with a certain degree of embarrassment in asking people to sponsor you -- I don't find it easy, and certainly when it's a regular thing there's a sense that people are probably rolling their eyes and thinking oh no, here we go again. But if I really couldn't bear it, I wouldn't enter charity events! Or I'd just sponsor myself to the tune of £50 or so and accept that as the price of taking part. :-} I just worry that the whole thing is a really inefficient way of raising money for anything, and it's just a sop to middle-class guilt, and I'd be better writing a cheque to the charity and not wasting other people's time by asking them for money. The more I think about the whole "get sponsored to do things" model, the more absurd it seems. Mind you, the more I think about anything the more I just unravel it. Perhaps I should do a sponsored not-thinking-about-anything-for-a-day in aid of an Existentialist society or something.

But I am weary, weary, weary of being constantly made fun of by colleagues for trying to do the right thing, for trying to think about what the right thing is in situations, for trying not to be selfish; I am tired of getting snide comments like "oh you're so virtuous" and "I'm just not such a good person as you" in response to anything I say about anything I do. I don't want to preach and I try not to come across as preaching (though I do question and debate rather than just pretending to agree with things that I don't agree with), I don't think I'm particularly "good", I certainly don't think I'm "better" than other people as a person, in fact most of the time I think I'm a big heap of fail and I struggle to stay motivated to do anything. I don't think people are innately "good" or "evil", I think it's all about actions and patterns of action and choices, and you can't necessarily infer anything from the information you have about one person's choice in one situation. Obviously I think some choices are 'better' (which is almost always a relative judgement rather than an absolute) than others, otherwise how would I ever decide to do anything? But I don't even think I make relatively-good decisions more than average (how the heck would anybody measure that anyway?), I think I try hard but (as in most things) I feel as though I work harder than some to compensate for finding things harder.

But there's a whole nother blog post in there (a book, really) about trying to get things right, about guilt and blame, about fail and win, about the unfashionability of morals and the mess we've replaced them with, which I'm probably never going to have the time or energy to write.

Anyway ... in the unlikely event that you still want to sponsor me after all that angst, my online sponsorship form is here (they're officially endorsing online sponsorship this time, which is definitely progress!), & I will be very grateful indeed (because, at the risk of sounding cheesy, it does make the running seem more worthwhile, even though these days everybody's given the money before the run, so the original model sort of doesn't work any more). And if you don't, that's fine, & I promise I'm not judging you for it in any way! (Saying that makes me feel like people will think I'm saying it because I am judging and want to deny it, but honestly, no, just no. Let me at least be the owner of my own thoughts.)

Comments

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

(this comment brought to you by severe sleep-deprivation; I make no promises about sense or coherence)

But I am weary, weary, weary of being constantly made fun of by colleagues for trying to do the right thing, for trying to think about what the right thing is in situations, for trying not to be selfish; I am tired of getting snide comments like "oh you're so virtuous"

I get this, so much. When I started my new job people were doing it over the fact that I *reuse waste paper & envelopes*, FFS! There are some people around whom I cannot order meat-free food without a rant about how I'm so good and they could never...

The way I tend to think about it is that it's their guilt talking. They know on some level that they should be living more reflective and considerate lives, but they can't quite be bothered, or they have overriding concerns; so when we remind them that it is possible - even make it look easy by integrating it into the fabric of our lives - we make them feel so very guilty.

Which is stupid - the gods know I can be selfish and lazy with the best of them - I don't think that I'm better than anyone, or that anyone has any reason to feel guilty around me; I just do the thing that seems best in the situation that I'm in. If I have any virtue at all, it's just pathological overthinking!

[j4.livejournal.com]

Yes! This! And IMHO pathological overthinking is more like a curse than a virtue. :-/

I get the snarks about reusing paper as well. Like I'm some kind of saint for having ticked the "duplex" box on the printer settings once 3 years ago, or for having a pile of scrap paper on the corner of my desk & writing on that. HELLO, THESE THINGS ARE NOT HARD. OK, changing the printer settings is hard if you're not IT-savvy, but this is a computing services department! Fair enough if people think it's a waste of time, unnecessary, unhelpful... but in that case, why feel guilty? Guilt suggests they think they should do it, but don't/can't/won't, & when it's something so trivial I really Don't Get It. Yes, I know the trivial things add up, but really, reusing paper is SO INCREDIBLY TRIVIAL that I don't see what would stop them if they actually did think it was in any way worthwhile.

(Someone will now stab me in the face with all the reasons why reusing paper is actually VERY VERY DIFFICULT in their particular workplace. Trust me, at my workplace, it is not difficult at all.)

[venta.livejournal.com]

I don't think (based on no evidence, obviously.... this is the internet) that people are guilty about your paper reuse when they are chopping down virgin forest to make shopping list. As you say, it's pretty easy to do.

I think the act that makes people feel guilty is the thought you (generic you, also you personally) put into your actions which results in you reusing paper, running for charity, not driving to the shops in your own personal Hummer which runs on the blood of the unborn, etc. People take the path of least resistance to things which are perhaps slightly easier, slightly cheaper, slightly less effort... and people who consider their actions and don't get those minimal benefits make them feel guilty.

Perhaps unnecessarily guilty... but they don't know, because they haven't done the thinking/sums/whatever to know just how guilty they should be feeling.

[redbird]

Maybe remind them that reusing paper is easier: this way, I don't have to get up and get scrap paper, I've got a small stack sitting on my desk. And when I'm carrying stacks of paper around, n sheets is easier than 2n; maybe no big deal when n=5, but when n=200, you notice.

[j4.livejournal.com]

I think the act that makes people feel guilty is the thought you (generic you, also you personally) put into your actions

That makes sense. I hadn't thought of it like that (at least in part I think because I see the over-thinking-about-actions as more of a curse than a blessing).

I don't think feeling-guilty is a terribly useful thing. Doesn't make it easy to stop doing it though. :-/