Etiquette question

[j4]

If someone invites you to a party, and the invitation doesn't say "bring partners" (but does imply that it's okay to bring friends), and your partners are not on the invite list in their own right, is it rude to email and ask whether it's okay to bring partners? Would it be rude (even ruder?) to just bring partners anyway (on the basis that they are my friends as well)? Or should one assume that if the partners in question were welcome in the first place, they would have been on the invite list?

Comments

[daneel-olivaw.livejournal.com]

I can't see how there is ever any harm in checking with the host first. If the host knows the partner but they are not on the invite list in their own right, then it is probably best to check with the host that this was an oversight (rather than for a specific reason) before bringing them along.

[j4.livejournal.com]

I can't see how there is ever any harm in checking with the host first.

I was just thinking that it might put the host in the awkward position of having to say "No, you can't bring your partner, because [unpleasant reasons]", when they were perhaps hoping to avoid that by merely not inviting them and not saying "Please bring partners". It sort of feels like it's questioning the terms of the invitation when the guests have no real right to do that, if you see what I mean.

And if the host has met the partner but doesn't know them particularly well, it's harder to be clear whether the lack of invitation is an oversight or a deliberate omission.

[angua.livejournal.com]

It's probably better to put them in that position before the party and find out it was an oversight or something (or worst case scenario they have deliberately not been invited) rather than turn up with them in tow at the party and find out they aren't welcome. In which case the host gets put in a horrendous position and everyone ends up embarrassed.

Course, I'm just looking at it negatively because that's the way I am.

[j4.livejournal.com]

rather than turn up with them in tow at the party and find out they aren't welcome

Ah, I wouldn't do that. If I don't ask, the fallback option will be "don't bring partner" or just "don't go to party".

[ottah.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking that it might put the host in the awkward position of having to say "No, you can't bring your partner, because [unpleasant reasons]", when they were perhaps hoping to avoid that by merely not inviting them

If such was the situation, it would surely fall to the host to request that said person does not attend...yes. it's awkward but at least it's an honest approach and saves on stresses later/at the party.

Si and I tend to post a list and then ask people to just let us know if they're planning to bring along anyone (partner/friend/goldfish) whose not on the list...that seems to rule out bad surprises.

There are currently 2 people barred from ChezBOFH - Ingvar for his behaviour towards female guests and threatening me in my house and the ex of a very close and old friend of mine. Just in case anyone was thinking of bringing either along (as the world is sooooooo small), it's nice to get an early heads up about who's coming.

I tend to email or phone people first before taking along someone who's not on an invite list...I think it's polite and I prefer not to assume that +X is implied on an invite. *hugs*