j4: (southpark)
[personal profile] j4
I'm supposed to be writing job applications, but the application form is appalling. For a start, the job description for two supposedly different positions are identical, so I'm just going to have to apply for both and let them decide which (if either) they think I'm best suited to. Other than that -- well, I suppose the typos are forgivable, although "You should note that each of the questions is equally important thought into each of them" made me laugh; but that's not the end of it. In addition to the usual "please cram everything you have done in the last 10 years into our badly-formatted table" sections, there are four questions where you have to demonstrate your competence in the following areas:

  • Delivering to customers
  • Working Together
  • Planning and organising
  • Communicating with customers and others


For each of these, you have to give just one example of a thing you've done which demonstrates competence in the relevant area; each answer has to be no more than 250 words long. The example answer they give, demonstrating competence in the area of What I Did On My HolidaysWorking Together, is excruciating:
"As a member of the University hockey team, we were planning an end of term party. My role was to help plan and organise the party, which we wanted to have on the last day of term -only 3 weeks away.

To ensure that everybody was involved, we all met up in the Students Union to discuss ideas for the party. After everybody had contributed suggestions we took a vote and decided on a 70's night for all the University sports teams.

We then decided as a team all the tasks that needed to be done. I took the role of writing the list so that we had a record of all the tasks that everyone could see. We then each volunteered to do a task, mine was to arrange an appropriate venue.

We decided to have a brief meeting every two days at lunchtime so that we could find out how the arrangements were progressing. I wrote down all the details so that we had a record of exactly who was doing what. Unfortunately, the day before the party, the DJ cancelled and we realised that we wouldn't be able to get another one in time. The girl that had arranged the DJ was very upset. I took some time to console her and I arranged a meeting immediately to decide what to do. We made the decision to pull all our disco records together, borrow my friend's decks, and do the 70's disco ourselves! All feedback was positive."
After 11 years of trying (with, I like to think, some success) to develop beyond that kind of simple (not to say simplistic) narrative style, I'm finding it difficult to go back to it, particularly in a context where I'd normally write in a more formal register.

Anyway, it's taken me the best part of an hour to do one of them, and about 40 minutes of that was spent trying to hack it down to the word-limit while still actually explaining the (fairly technical) examples from my current job so that they make sense. The whole thing is irritating me so much that I'm not even sure I want to work for these people anyway, if the application process is representative of their general competence; but I can't help feeling that beggars can't be choosers. (Okay, so I'm not a beggar yet, but my current job is hardly secure, and besides, it's slowly sapping my will to live.) Still trying to buckle down to doing it but my motivation seems to be at an all-time low.

* * *

The only positive thing to come out of this so far, in fact, is the result of extreme procrastination -- which has led me to rip a handful more CDs (though I'm not doing anything like the wholesale process that [livejournal.com profile] simont has been indulging in), and to create a couple of rather cute Miffy pictures.





I should do more of this kind of thing, it's remarkably therapeutic. (I would have made goth peg-dollies but I didn't have any pipe-cleaners for their arms. I think a trip to Heffers Art Shop is indicated.)

Date: 2003-09-07 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
You're not flat-chested!

Oh, I used to be. Not that it worried me - it's very easy to run without boobs. These days I spend a fair bit of time cupping my boobs in my hands when I run. Well, not these days, these days I don't run at all. But I do enjoy having a cleavage!

And you'd be hard-pushed not to have looked, if you've been watching the website, let alone seeing me wander around my house in very little!

Date: 2003-09-07 02:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
And you'd be hard-pushed not to have looked, if you've been watching the website, let alone seeing me wander around my house in very little!

Well, obviously I saw, but I didn't look, if you see what I mean. Er, that is, I didn't try to look, but that's not to say that I didn't want to, I mean, because, you're definitely nice to look at. Not that I was looking, you know, just, er. So it's not that I wanted to not look at you, but more that ... er, what I mean, is ... er, gosh.

Um. Hello!

Date: 2003-09-07 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
*grin*

I'm sorry, I appear to have flustered you. It was unintentional. For the most part...

Date: 2003-09-07 02:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
No apology required. Please feel free to fluster me some more! ;-)

Date: 2003-09-08 12:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
My kinda grrl!

Date: 2003-09-08 01:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hoiho.livejournal.com
Oh, I used to be.

No you didn't.
Small, but perfectly formed.

Date: 2003-09-08 04:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
Not that you were looking either...

Date: 2003-09-08 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hoiho.livejournal.com
Um.
Not so much looking as, well, look... I saw, OK?
Mmmm. Lovely.

Date: 2003-09-08 05:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
Not so much looking as, well, look... I saw, OK?

Yes, but it's okay for you, because you're a BOY. Boys are expected to ogle beautiful women. :-)

Mmmm. Lovely.

Rather! ... You know, that whole cupping-breasts-in-hands-while-running thing that [livejournal.com profile] k425 was talking about sounds awfully hard work. Do you think she wants minions to do that sort of thing for her?

Date: 2003-09-08 07:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
I think the minion I've got might have words to say about sharing that particular duty.

And, of course, it would mean running, and I've given that up for the duration.

Date: 2003-09-08 07:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imc.livejournal.com
Boys are expected to ogle beautiful women. :-)

Except by their wives1? :-)

Do you think she wants minions to do that sort of thing for her?

It sounds awfully impractical.

1girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, . . . - not to mention those of the women being ogled (oh it's all so complicated!).

Date: 2003-09-08 07:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
> > Boys are expected to ogle beautiful women. :-)
> Except by their wives1? :-)


"I'm ogled, and so is my wife."

Date: 2003-09-08 07:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
Speaking as a wife/whatever, I've no problem with my boy ogling other women, never have had. It's an admiration thing - I admire a well-built chap, he admires a beautiful woman, we both admire Bridget Riley's art, it's along the same lines.

Of course, that doesn't mean one can't tease the ogler!

Date: 2003-09-08 08:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
Speaking as a wife/whatever, I've no problem with my boy ogling other women, never have had. It's an admiration thing - I admire a well-built chap, he admires a beautiful woman, we both admire Bridget Riley's art, it's along the same lines.

Hmmm. Does that mean that neither of you ever actually fancies other people? Or that you don't mind your boy ogling other women so long as it's only in a kind of "Speaking purely aesthetically, I think she's very pretty" sense? Does he mind you ogling other men? Just curious...

Might just have wear my shiny Bridget-Riley-esque t-shirt at the weekend -- that way everybody has an excuse to look at my chest, but they'll get a headache1 if they do it for too long. :-)

1Or go blind.

Of course, that doesn't mean one can't tease the ogler!

Bah. <pout> <grin>

Date: 2003-09-09 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
Well, when I was married I had no problems with Matt either ogling other women or fancying them. I honestly didn't mind it. I think it's perfectly natural and normal. And he didn't mind me fancying or ogling other men. Or women, for that matter.

Rapunzel does a good line in pouting when I point out an attractive chap but it's a put-on (as far as I can tell, of course).

Date: 2003-09-08 07:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
Go and stand next to J, then you can not look together.

Date: 2003-09-08 07:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
Or we can be partners in lechery, and both leer alarmingly at you. :-P

Date: 2003-09-08 07:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
Well, you could leer. I'm not sure I'd be alarmed.

I've been leered at by Hoiho before. It makes me giggle.

Date: 2003-09-08 08:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j4.livejournal.com
I've been leered at by Hoiho before.

m3 t00...

It makes me giggle.

I think it's rather sweet. :-) <pats [livejournal.com profile] hoiho on the head>

Date: 2003-09-09 02:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hoiho.livejournal.com
I've been leered at by Hoiho before. It makes me giggle.

Laughing all the way to the bedroom.
Well, that's the plan...

Date: 2003-09-10 02:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
It's always worth a try.

Date: 2003-09-10 03:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hoiho.livejournal.com
Absolutely; after all, what's too loose?

Date: 2003-09-10 03:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] k425.livejournal.com
These days, very little. Except the knickers I wore yesterday. I think I stretched them a bit much, the elastic won't recover. However, I reckon I'll be due new knickers after the baby anyway.

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